the most pointless seven ever

Joining Jen and the coolest ones for some Friday quick takes.

You can file these under "more crap you never knew you didn't care about"

1) Mike wrote a lullaby while we were dating in which he turned his parents' nightly blessing into a little song. This was in my mind one of several signs from God that we were meant to be together, because at some point I said that I wanted the man I married to write our kids a lullaby (I do not need to be reminded of how absurd that is.) I really love it and always sing it to the girls when they're babies.
2) Even though I love his, I've been brainstorming about another one to sing to Lucy and it came to me: Baby Mine from Dumbo! It is such a sweet little song and never mind that in the movie his mother is rocking him from her prison wagon and not allowed to get out to see him and it's pretty much one of the most depressing scenes in a movie ever. Never mind that. I love it.




On to more important things.

3) Mike found the girls a perfect little "school table" at the Notre Dame surplus store for $10 yesterday (!)  Which is a store with exactly what it sounds like-- the surplus items that the university gets rid of after they buy new stuff- it is fantastic because the stuff they get rid of is also pretty much "new". After I saw Heather's school table, I went a'searching at thrift stores and on craigslist for one similar but for preschool and was not finding anything. Then Mike saved the day as always with this puppy, which is not actually being put to use the way I wanted it to be:

Good thing it's just preschool.

Oh, sorry, did I say important? I meant to say UNimportant.
Here are some more...

4) I am leaving tomorrow for the glorious town of Steubenville, Ohio for my little sister Christina's wedding shower. Me and Lucy will be driving with said sister and her fiance so that Mike has a car to get around with the girls in. I am a wee bit nervous since on our less than 2 hour trip to Kalamazoo, Lucy screamed the most blood curdling awful scream for what felt like hours, but the trip was less than 2 hours so I think it was actually only 20 minutes. What the heck is it with babies in car seats? I'm bringing the old breast pump (or cow milker, as I described it to Naomi, which is still better than breast pump- ew) and hoping that constantly shoving the bottle in her mouth will work to keep the 6 hour drive from being too hellish. We shall see...

Lucy is already up from her first nap and it is only 9 a.m. Need more coffee... I must go on...

5) Speaking of Lucy, she is still really sweet, but she just hit that phase where she wants to be held all the time, but only by ME. If I quickly set her in a room and run away she will sometimes stay content for a bit, until she sees me, then she starts expressing her disapproval of being anywhere but at my hip.

What's that you say? You'd like these to be even more pointless?

6) How about this weather!? South Bend is the most confused city there ever was. Seriously. It is May 24th and the heat kept coming on last night, and our heaters are really loud, which kept me from falling back asleep after nursing Lucy at 4:30 this morning, which is my excuse for how pointless, poorly written and stupid these quick takes are...

IS IT WINTER OR SPRING? MAKE UP YOU MIND!!!!!!

7) And now I will spare you all anymore eyes-burning-from-boredom quick takes and end it.

Right now.

A Good Kind of Crazy

Writing thoughtful posts makes my brain hurt, that's why I don't usually do it. And when I do they are generally "thoughtful" and groundbreaking to me, but nothing new to anybody else. With that said, here we go.

While we were on our 24 hour hotel vacation a couple weekends ago, there was a super sweet lady at the continental breakfast who was attending the same Medieval conference that Mike was there for. She was watching our family eat our breakfast and kept commenting on how beautiful we were and how "well behaved my girls were!", a compliment that sometimes confuses me so much that I can't respond, but I thanked her and smiled.

One other comment that the sweet lady made was something along the lines of "they are SO close in age!" and that she would have "gone crazy!". It did not seem as if she had any children, or was married, she's an English professor- that much I know. I let her know that "sometimes I am crazy", I didn't want to be so phoney that it seemed like I have it altogether or something, just because I wasn't screaming at my kids right there at the continental breakfast bar doesn't mean I never do. Or for that I wouldn't be doing just that in the car a mere 45 minutes later when they would push my buttons in some stupid way.

It seemed like for her, the fact that having 3 so close together making someone "crazy" is reason enough not to do it, and that if she had had kids, they would have been spread farther apart because otherwise she would have gone "crazy".

But what if going "crazy" isn't a bad thing? Assuming we're not talking about being clinically crazy, or dealing with any sort of serious issues, for my puposes I am just talking about feeling like your head might explode or simply feeling totally overwhelmed and seeing how much you kind of suck.

I mean, if I wasn't having kids so close together than I would never know what a temper I can have, and how unbelievably selfish I am and so wouldn't be working so hard to root those things out. Sure, it is rough for my kids some days when they have just pushed 17 too many of my buttons, resulting in a major mom meltdown complete with tears, loud cries and locking myself in a room to be alone for one minute (not that that ever happens, no never around here). Sometimes I feel like Frank Costanza when he spends too much time with his wife:

I am certainly not trying to downplay something serious-- anger is a sin, one of a 7 deadly sins and I am constantly getting angry- that's not ok. Along with lots of other sins rooted in my selfishness, this one comes out all too frequently during the day-to-day craziness that is life with 3, 4 and under.

Like the other day when Bernadette came up to me shortly after they had woken up and very politely asked me to read a couple board books to her and I just said "no, I need to lay on the couch for little bit" (because I had stayed up too late hanging out the night before and I was so flippin exhausted). But they were board books, it would have taken all of 3 minutes to read them with her, and it was mother's day. That wasn't ok and I should have picked her up and read them with her. Honestly, I spent most of mother's day feeling guilty for how burned out I feel and how most days I am just not a good mother.

I would go on about all my other weaknesses, but I'd rather this blog post not leave me ready to jump off a cliff.

The point is that these kids bring the the worst parts in me and then they have to deal with them.

But I try to think of it like they are like little florescent flashlights that God has given me to shine on all the sick, sinful parts of who I am. I feel like each kid has been a brighter light and shown me more and more how much work I need. So why would I stop now?

And I am absolutely NOT asking for any comments about "the great job I am doing!" and that "I am a great mom!"- I know those things. I think I am awesome. I am constantly patting myself on the back, there is pride aplenty in the heart of Ana Hahn.

I am just realizing now that having the ugly parts of myself shown to me daily is hard, but it is not a bad thing. Because as my little flashlights, they are not only showing me how much I stink some days, but they're also helping me to grow in virtue and rely more on prayer and on God's grace to be a half-way decent mother.

I would never ever have known that I could take care of a sad, sick, vomiting toddler after a night of next to no sleep from getting up with the newborn.

I never would have thought that I could sit down and do some "lessons" with a 4-year-old who is begging me to teach her something,  even though there is a fussy baby in my lap and a boisterous toddler afoot.

I certainly never, ever would have thought that I could hold, care for, love, and be compassionate to little people who simultaneously drive me crazy with constant defiance and tons of overly dramatic screaming and tantrum throwing. Or hold my teething baby with a bad cold almost every minute of the day that she is not sleeping, even while cooking, cleaning and watching the other 2 kids.

Motherhood has certainly shown me more of the bad and ugly parts of myself than I ever would have wanted, but if I really sit and think about it, I can see that God is doing just as much good in me precisely through this vocation, even though most days I cannot see it.

Yes, being a mother and having 3 close in age does drive me crazy most days, but it is the best kind of crazy.

Wednesday Favs

Joining Hallie and lots of other lovely ladies for some favorites on this rainy Wednesday.

-1- 

Jillian's 6 week 6 pack

I guess I just needed a little break from Jill the Pill. Or I felt guilty for dissing her last week (NOT). Or I just need variety in my at-home workouts. Or I am just a fickle woman. Whatever, either way, this DVD was hidden by Naomi behind the heaviest TV unit for well over a year and finally found recently, much to my bored-with-all-my-other-DVDs self (I only own 3). I did it earlier this week and I was dripping sweat and felt like I was going to throw up, so you you can see how it would make my list of favorites. And this morning it still hurt to laugh and breath heavily. There's lots of cardio, legs and bum mixed in too. It really kicks your butt. But mostly kicks your abs. It's good.

-2- 

Coffee Ice Cubes

What?!?! I know. My life has changed. I am sure everyone else already knows about this, but I was just introduced to it by my friend Kathryn (who is thinking about and definitely SHOULD start her own bliggity blog) and I am hooked. I just put them in a cup with half chilled coffee and half milk and voila, fabulous iced coffee that is virtually incapable of being watered down. And when the ice cubes melt, what do you get to drink? MORE COFFEE!! Does it get any better? I submit it does not.

-3- 

White Russians

 My next order of biz is to make some decaf coffee ice cubes to try them in my new favorite cocktail, the White Russian. It is sure to be a dynamite combo. I felt like the real deal last night drinking cocktails while watching Mad Men with Mike, who may or may not have made them double strength and inadvertently gotten his wife a bit tipsy. May or may not, you'll never know. Obviously watching The Big Lebowski would have been much more appropriate with this beverage, and with all the leftover ingredients we have, this will probably have to take place some time soon.

-3- 

Wizard of Oz

My great friend Sarah lent this to me today and I started into it with the girls and we already love it. The chapters are short enough that Bernadette will sit through it with me and Naomi-- this is a shocker-- but it's a tad longer than the typical book that I read with Bernadette, which I hope will ease her in to some slightly more advanced reading. Plus it's just a really fun story.

-4- 

Chicken Salad

My new favorite recipe:
1 bag Tyson's pre-cooked grilled chicken, microwaved and food processed.
Some miracle whip and ranch to your taste
As many bacon bits as you would like, I like them all.

Enjoy with tortilla chips, on good bread or in a lettuce wrap. It is so easy and sooooo delish.

-5- 

Friends 

My friend Marisa who moved away a year ago came back to visit again. It was so wonderful. Her girls get along so great with our girls and she is just a fantastic friend who I hope I can keep in touch with forever or at least until we live next door to each other and chat every afternoon over a large pitcher of sangria-- or at least that's how it goes in my dreams.

Head over to Hallie's for more!

What I Wore With My Hair Cut

I had thought about doing an entire post on endeavoring to cut my own hair, thanks to Dorian and Grace inspiring me to give it a try, but the results of the cut were underwhelming to say the least and in no way deserving of their own blog post.

Nevertheless, I feel the need to give due attention to the fact that the tutorial that Grace posted was really great. It was especially prefect for just trimming the ends of your hair and I will pretty much never be going back to the salon unless I am going for a drastic 6-inches-off-to-doante-my-hair look like I did 2 years ago (the below picture is NOT MY CURRENT HAIR CUT):

Which will hopefully never happen again. Large headed person like me + extremely short bob=bobble head until it grows out. No good.

This is approximately how much I cut off on Saturday:

one inch tops

So here's what my hair looked like before:

And here's how it looked after the trim, paired with my Sunday outfit yesterday (you see how I am tying it all together here?):

The shirt and shoes hail from Old navy, the earrings and belt from Target, and the skirt is a thrift store find from 2 years ago that I am just now getting to wear for real.


We had quite possibly the very best Mass experience of our lives as parents of ex-utero children. It may have had something to do with the fact that Mike's mom and 3 brothers accompanied us, or the girls are finally turning a behavioral corner... (cue internal evil maniacal laugh) never. But either way, I was basking an all the extra quiet and sitting still that took place and even though Lucy was having a melt down in the narhtex with a Mike for a good chunk, I was blissfully unaware up in the second pew enjoying the Mass.

We had a great visit and even got a fam photo post Mass. Please excuse the slight blur and my bare feet.

Now we're back to real life and I am dreaming of my upcoming jaunt to the ville  this weekend with only one low maintenance little babe. It can't get here soon enough.

Head over to the fine ladies at FLAP for more!
And in other news, check out Hallie's fantastic father's day giveaway and enter to win!!

Seven Sleepless Takes

I would have probably gone along with my better instincts today and not written 7 quick takes doing nothing but complaining. Especially because I know that every single mom out there is probably just as tired as I am and I hate when people complain about how tired they are, I usually save that sort of complaining for Mike's ears only.

But then I read Jen's QTs and felt like she gave me a free pass to complain as much as I want. A free pass from the woman who had more to complain about in the past 6 months than I have had in my whole life? I'll take it. Also, I felt the need to show off my mad complaining skills in the case that the Mom Blogger Complaining Olympics does in fact take place.

Also my coffee has worn off.

Consider this my audition.

1) I know I said a while ago that I should never complain about Lucy not sleeping because she was sleeping so well for so long.

But that doesn't make any sense. If anything I should complain more now that she is not. Don't you agree?? Good, then I will.

2) Honestly, I don't really care that much that she is getting up every 2 to 3 hours again, because she is the baby and I am feeling sad that she is getting so big and so those middle of the night moments are kind of sweet. Kind of. But what puts me over the edge is when the 2 older children are the culprits: both of whom we've extensively sleep trained, and both of whom are not babies, and the things they are getting up for are assinine.

3) For instance, when Bernadette was standing next to my bed last night all up in my face, proclaiming that "she had lost her pacifier and blankie! And she needs someone to help her find them!" The pacifier was right next to her bed, and the blanket was in her bed. 

Then 30 minutes later the same almost 3 year-old was screaming bloody murder from her bed that she "NEEDED A TISSUE!!!!" She does not have a cold, she did not need a tissue. I mean, the baby genuinely does have a bad cold complete with a hacking cough and tons of green snot. Plus she can't poop by herself-- I'd say those are decent excuses for keeping me up all night, even though it is still the worst.

4) Then there is the fact that I am expected to be sweet and compassionate and patient with the very same kids that are keeping up all night. Does this seem really backwards to anyone else?? Like, it's already nearly impossible for me to not flip my lid when Naomi starts with one of her body flailing, ear bleeding inducing screamy tantrums over something like not letting her put the book on tape in the tape player, and then I look at her and think "Really? You're the one throwing the tantrum? Oh right! I forgot you only got 6 hours of sleep broken up into 2 to 3 hour chunks from 3 different children waking you up all night.... OH WAIT, THAT WAS ME!"

5) And I will not touch the fact that Mike is currently on a steady dosage of Valium for some sort of slipped disk in his back rendering him pretty much unable to do much child care at all right now. I won't touch it.

6) And while you would think being extremely sleep deprived would make me extra happy and loving and patient and able to handle the constant demands of motherhood... I just can't even finish that sentence because it is a joke. A total joke.

7) I was thinking of embedding the good old Samuel L Jackson book reading in honor of the no-sleep subject, but I will keep this closer to a PG-13 post and just give you this:



Equal parts funny/disturbing, or maybe 30% funny 70% disturbing, my appropriateness radar is down right now due to intense fatigue. Just stop it after minute and try to have a sense of humor and hopefully it won't scar you. 

Head over to Jen's and you'll see why I felt like it was ok to complain so much today.

five good things

Joining Hallie who helps me hop out of my usual glass-half-empty mind set and think of things that make me smile a tiny bit. 

-1-

Because some days you just need a flippin nanny. Mike just recently seriously injured his back, and even though he keeps trying to help me, the fact that he can not turn his head to look at me and is constantly walking looking a little like the Hunch Back of Notre Dame (fitting, isn't it?), tells me he's pretty much out of commission for the time being. So after a night of at least 5 wakings from the 3 girls combined, plus an extra early wake time thanks to a nice, loud thunder storm, I just gave in and let the practically perfect day-care provider take over. Over two and a half hours of movie run time for me to: 1) sleep more 2) drink coffee 3) do a 15 minute workout 4) shower 5) not look like I just rolled out of bed after a night of barely any sleep and 6) get dinner in the crock pot. If you can stomach the movie, it is sooooo worth it. If you're wondering whether you've read a post in the past on this very same subject, indeed you have.

-2-

I don't know if it was inspiration from Grace or being told to "bring it" 30 too many times, but I have broken up with Miss Michaels for the time being and am loving it. My great friend Sarah told me about this "tabata" timing workout and sent the link to check it out and while I initially avoided it due to lack of motivation, I have given in and decided to go for a different 30 day plan. It is really short and kind of pathetic how hard it actually is for me, but it's also been good for me to admit to myself that I am just not in the shape I was before I got pregnant with Lucy (thanks to Jillian who got me into that shape) and that's ok. I'll surely not neglect to let you all know how it is going.

-3-

One of my real life and blog friends, Alexandra, made some for us a while ago and it lasted forever and smells terrific. Then Heather the sweetest sent us some with the snowman that I won and we are still playing with it. Above are some "skulls" that Naomi made yesterday, because my kids are not weird or borderline scary at all. Learn how to make it HERE.

-4-

I just really like them and buy them too much. I can't stop.

-5-

Stop. Just stop. You need to stop growing right now, Lucy. 

I cannot believe it was 7 whole months ago that I first held her as a sweet little newborn and while I still look at her like she is one, she is certainly not so much anymore. *Single tear*. She's the sweetest little thing and just hit the best stage: sitting up by herself but no movement at all. Love her.

A Blessed Mother's Day

I woke up yesterday morn with a certain ambivalence toward mother's day.

On the one hand, I felt like people should be doing things for me, treating me extra special to show how much I mean to them and how much I do. On Saturday night I found myself prepping the girls for the next day by saying things like "tomorrow is mother's day! You have to make sure you are extra sweet to me and behave really well to show me how much love me!". And while I said nothing, I silently hoped for something extra-crazy special from Mike, on top of the beergaritas and donuts that he brought me on Saturday night (plus the promise of lots of extra Sunday sleep). You can see how this was a recipe for feeling under appreciated and disappointed.

And then on the other hand, when Sunday came, I felt super guilty for feeling like anyone owed me anything. I mean, most days I feel like I am the WORST! I spend most of my days yelling at my kids and being selfish with my time and energy. I don't deserve anything! I need to be a heck of a better mother before people start making me breakfast in bed or bringing me a dozen roses.

On the one hand, I wanted a long break form my kids because I am tired and feel burned out, but on the other hand it's *mother's day*, I should be enjoying time with my children and thanking God that I have them.

So I decided not to spend too much time worrying over the conflicted emotions and we went ahead and devoted the second half of the day to the one Mother who is perfect and who always deserves tons of affection, love and affirmation all the time, every day- and especially on mother's day. Our Lady.

We are fortunate enough to live right next to a beautiful replica of the Grotto at Lourdes on Notre Dame's campus. The campus itself has a very special devotion to Our Lady of Lourdes and Saint Bernadette, which is a huge reason that our second born is named after the amazing saint.

photo

After Mike treated me to an extra-long, much needed afternoon nap, we got all packed up and headed out for the Grotto to make a little walking-Rosary-mini-Pilgrimage to see Our Lady and tell her how much we love her.

Then go to feed to ducks who live at the lake on the campus, of course.

It was awesome. I was thoroughly impressed by how much of the rosary Naomi actually prayed and that Bernadette did not protest her the prayers for the entirety by shouting "I do not like prayer!!" over and over again (only for the first decade).

I felt like it centered mother's day on something else other than me, which is always good, and made me truly grateful for the heavenly mother that I, and especially that my girls have, who will never fail us and always care for us with the utmost prefect motherly care. A mother's day well spent.

Our Lady of Fatima (today's feast), pray for us.