Thursday, February 9, 2012

Hypocrisy

Like that overly dramatic title?
I think I should probably post something since I have been absent this week and we are going to be having some serious family time this weekend (soexcitedicanhardlybreathe) and I therefore will not be enjoying any extended Internet time to be sure.

You see, the reason that I haven't posted much, if anything, this week is that it has been one of those weeks where I am fairly convinced that I am the worst wife/mother/women/Christian/all around person on the face of the earth. Like a"a Pandora's box of all the secret, hateful parts - your arrogance, your spite, your condescension - has sprung open?"You've Got Mail Quote? Anyone? No? Sorry (one day I will do an entire post dedicated to that movie, it is my all time fav)

Anyways, you've had one of those weeks, right? Gosh I hope so. Or I hope not, for your sake, but I would like to think that I am not crazy.
If you haven't here are some various glimpses into the life of someone who has: 
  •  I was out for like the 3rd evening this week for another something or other I had committed to, leaving Mike at home alone. I get home, walk in the door exhausted (sure that I am the most tired person on earth and no one could have it as bad as me) announce that I am home, plop down on the couch and check my email. No kiss hello, no "how was your evening" Nope, just jerk.
  • A semi-potty trained 2--year-old finally makes it to the potty before peeing in her pants, pulls them down, does a semi-squat over the potty, misses and pees ALL over the floor, like old faithful. Instead of commending her for at least making it there and sucking up the enormous amount of urine to be cleaned, I freak out, like really freak out. Like a toddler. 
  • The primary means of communication in the house during the day has been yelling, by me. Great.
  • The one-year-old shoves a rag in the toilet and it and I yell. At the one-year-old.
  • Did I mention yelling?
  • Ok I will stop confessing, but there was more, much, much more.
 The saving grace of this week has been my rock star husband and confession this morning, probably in reverse order. So now I feel like I can blog without being a total hypocrite. I never want to blog on days when I am a jerk because I never want to give the impression that I have it even close to all together. 
Don't get me wrong. I have bad days a lot and I still post things. I guess it was more the total lack of virtue displayed by the mother who is supposed to be a good Catholic stay-at-home mom and the crushing feeling of guilt I had by the end of each day that made it impossible for me to even fake it even a little bit.

Don't worry, I am ok, everything is going great. I never discount the effect of the insane hormone component that we females are always dealing with and so I blame a lot on that. 

But overall I am just human and oh so very weak and wounded. And I take the things that are the absolute greatest gifts God has given me on earth for granted. 



How that is even possible, I do not know.
I will be done now with this rant. Have a fabulous weekend and an even better coming week!!



9 comments :

  1. Oh my goodness...I know these feelings all too well. We should talk! Good for you for turning it around...and how lucky you are for such a supportive hubby :) What I've realized? Some days...are just hard. They just are. Those are the days you perhaps need a little time-out of your own when you can. Like, a literal time-to-yourself-time-out. I've also found that when I get like that...the kids and I just need to leave the house. Go run around a church, go on a walk, go to a park...confession (like you said)...whatever.

    Praying for you!

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  2. Yes, I've had those weeks! It's not fun and I notice while I'm in the middle of it how I'm acting. It's hard to get out of it which is frustrating, but I usually try to find a bit of time either in the evening or on the weekend to get out or take a short walk by myself. It's not always do-able right away, but being able to look forward to it helps. I tell my husband that I'm just in a funk and he is such a help! The guilt is terrible, but you're not alone with it! I think it happens more often than we want to talk about. I hope you have a good weekend!

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  3. Ana, you are so cute. I was just contemplating today whether or not if would be a good idea if the computer was dropped on the ground to prevent me from escaping from duties and motherhood. I so-o am going to confession on saturday to try and clean up shop around here. And I, personally, know you are a fantastic momma. Thanks for reminding us all that we can do betta always. <3

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  4. Oh man - I am right there with you!!! I used to blog almost every day. Now, I have to slow the wagon down because it is a farce to put out something that isn't accurate and I feel like a complete hypocrite. God is growing my patience through my kids and I am not responding properly - otherwise God would have stopped the test right?!?!?! Just know you are not alone. In the last week I did all the same things you did, coincidentally in that order as well ;) I undoubtedly feel a million times better after a good confession but rarely get out enough for them!

    In other funny news, I asked my husband if he knew you and he does recognize you from Franciscan U. SUCH a small world!! He graduated in 2007 with a Catechetics/Theology major and his best friends were Eric Dietel and Brandon Bernhard. You might remember him?

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  5. Yes Ana, and I am not even a Mother....so I have less reasons to get cranky and start yelling. I think yelling was one of my past-times as a child and it has been something I have been trying to break for a while now. You are definitely in company...I won't say good company..=)... But you are understood, and prayed for. Hope your weekend is great too!

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  6. You are definitely not alone in this Ana! It all sounds way too familiar...we are all human I guess?! Hopefully a weekend of serious family time will help? Enjoy!

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  7. Oh I have BEEN there. More times than I can count. Maybe this is why God made is so kids don't remember their first few years? So us parents have a chance to practice a bit? Yep, pretty sure that's it...

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  8. =) Made me smile. Wish I had babies.

    Followed the blog, hope you don’t mind. And who knows, maybe you’ll visit me someday too.

    thebookness.com

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  9. oh, ana. i wish we were neighbors so we could share our stories so you wouldnt feel like the worst mom... and neither would I! had a very similar past 2 weeks. the amount of yelling i did was shocking and i'm pretty sure giovanni thinks his even-tempered mom has been replaced by a yelling crazy lady. finally, after two weeks, and a good long couple of talks with ryan, i realized that i need to time myself out a few times throughout the day. I just walk away from the craziness. and the best thing has been just getting out. i put everyone's clothes and shoes on, and give up on potty training, and just go to the mall and walk around. put the kids in the stroller, give them some cheerios, and just do my thing :) hope your next week is better!

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