Thursday, November 15, 2012

"Revenge is mine" sayeth Naomi

Yesterday I had to retire a pair of Naomi's favorite black pants with a little diamond heart decal. If it were up to here she would have worn the things every single day and it was rather heartbreaking for her when I took them and hid them. They are way too small and once I saw her tugging them up to cover her bottom and then noted how many inches they were from her feet when she stood, I made the decision and put them away. Why did I just tell you that? You'll see.

naomi dressed in her other favorite clothing item: psychotic monkey shirt

Next story.

Today's nap time was a bust. I thought it would go super smoothly since Naomi was awake, literally AWAKE, from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. last night wreaking havoc on our home and on Mike's sanity (I was nestled snugly downstairs dealing with the all night nurser/grunter/pooper. What martyrs we are). During that 3 hour stint Mike had to get up many many many multiple times to stop Naomi from dumping soap all over the bathroom or giving our toothbrushes a bath in the toilet. Yes, she went back to sleep for a brief stint around 6, but I still thought surely this girl would be ready for a little nap come 1 p.m.

I feel like there is an audience of people sitting in front of me right now laughing at me.

At some point it became clear that she was not actually sleeping in her room despite all her attempts at total stealth while doing naughty things. I was a mere 30 seconds from getting Lucy to sleep when I heard her. I walked out to find her hands covered in some substance that smelled like mouth wash. I looked in the bathroom and the mouth wash was in its spot and untouched. I took Naomi's hand and led her down to Mike's study to be properly disciplined for whatever she was doing, the main offense that I knew of so far was that she was not sleeping and getting into bathroom things. It was bit worse though, it always is.

I went downstairs to fetch Naomi to lead her back into her room to try the nap thing again. I had not yet looked into her room. We walked in to find a lotion explosion. I could not locate the bottle of lotion-- this was where the minty mouth wash smell was coming from. I assumed that she found the bottle in our linen closet in from the store of extra mini lotion bottles, however I was confused about why I didn't hear her ever come out of her room and get into the linen closet. I was in my room with Lucy the whole time with my door wide open, super close to her room and the linen closet.

Still, I could not ask these questions while there was so much lotion to clean up from the posts of her bed, the carpet, each and every post of the crib, the rocking chair. Everywhere.

Mike heard the commotion of my exasperated cleaning and walked in wondering what had happened and asking the questions that I couldn't even get out like "what lotion is that?" or "where did she get it?". Naomi is many things, but dishonest is not one of them. She always tells you the exact answer to your question, even if it incriminates her.

So she led us to the empty bottle, hidden in her closet inside of a dumped out trashcan (this explained the pile of dirty pull-ups stashed in the corner). Inside the trash can was a tin, which previously been filled with a pedicure set that my mom had given me as a post partum gift. This tin had been on my dresser in my room. How the heck did she obtain it during nap time when I was in there the whole time? This was the only question I did ask, it was too obvious and confusing. Once I left the room Mike asked her and she answered:

"Last night while everyone was sleeping I went into your room and took it and kept it until naps" was her answer.

Mike proceeded to ask why. WHY the heck did you do this? And, again, he got a very clear answer.

"Well, you and mommy take things from me. Yesterday mommy took my favorite pants away from me so I decided that since she took something away from me, I would take something away from her".

UM, WHAT?!?!

Yes. That was her answer.

My reaction to the answer is shear terror at the prospect of Naomi as a teenager. I think that is appropriate, right? Thought so.

Showerless, exerciseless, napless mess of an Ana signing off.
Have a good one.


  1. Prayers headed your way! That and maybe a new pedicure/manicure set - you deserve some postpartum niceness!!! Feel free to call for a babysitting aunt intervention

  2. Holy crap. Why can't you just move to Kansas City so we can just drink and cry together?

  3. Wow. Naomi is crafty. At least she was honest?

  4. Love the honesty. I have one of those brutally honest kids too...makes for a good time :)

  5. Bahahahaha sorry... Ishouldn't laugh... but I know my time is coming so you can laugh at me then :-) just think.... she will be the big sister who teaches Lucy all she knows!

  6. I wish I could try to talk you down from the terror, but I can't even try. I would be afraid, too!

  7. Literally laughed out loud. Oh my!!!!
    I'll call back soon - just posted pics of Cora today on the myfamily website.

  8. Oh my goodness. She is one smart cookie. Scary...I feel your pain.

  9. Can't you just be proud of how intelligent and crafty she is? Hahahahahaha! I think next time you must tell her what you're doing so she won't think YOU"RE being sneaky :)

  10. Whoamygosh. Seems like she really thought it through!

  11. hahahahahahahaha oh how I love this story! if we ever live near you, Emma and Naomi will be partners in crime. Maybe they will be college roommates one day. Oh dear!

  12. Sheesh! It looks like some alternate tactics are in order: lengthy explanation for removal of clothes that no longer fit including sweet treats during the discussion (an "adult" one-on-one convo)? Perhaps you could appeal to her sense of justice (her eye for an eye logic is indefatigable); old, non-fitting clothes out only for it to be swiftly replaced by something cool (that she can choose) that fits?

    Urg...I'll pray for you and seems the wisdom of Solomon is required ;-)

  13. Yiikeess! Naomi is more clever than I would have been. I remember a dress I adored"disappearing" and I asking my mother about it. She just insisted she had no idea where it could have gone. "That's strange, I'm so sorry, Em!" hahaha! Aw, I'm sorry about your pedicure set! Hopefully Naomi will understand as a teen that you were really helping her look more wonderful in the end and not punishing her. In the meantime you've got all my sympathy and respect!