I've been thinking about redesigning my blog, or having someone else redesign it because let's be real- I'm what the French call "les incompetents" when it comes to anything techy. The thought of putting any more time, energy, or even money into this online endeavor has got me thinking a little about why in the world I started this blog and why I stick with it, even though there have been plenty of times I have wanted to stop and delete the whole thing. And so I will do what the blogger does: write a blog post about blogging and post it on my blog. Act like you care. Kidding, no one in the world is that great of an actor.
Commiseration: When I asked myself why I started the first thing I thought of was my mom. She is one of the best people for me to talk to when things are rough, and not at all because she puts a rose colored spin on things, or spouts cliched phrases like "it goes by so fast" or "cherish them while they're young!" No, no. Whenever I have called my mom during a rough patch since college I always get great advice, usually supernaturally oriented advice which puts whatever challenge I am facing into perspective, but the thing that is the most therapeutic about talking to her is that she commiserates so well.
During the first year of marriage, and especially the second month when morning sickness from our honeymoon conception kicked in and I was completely disillusioned, I called her. I remember her just telling me how sorry she was that I was going through it and that first trimester sickness is one of the hardest things she has ever been through. I could hear the empathy in her voice, she did not have any advice about helping the sickness get better, and she didn't even say that it would pass quickly because for all of her eight pregnancies she was throwing up right up until she gave birth so I am sure she did not want to give me any false hope- praise God I've never been sick for that long. She consistently validated my need to complain a little without ever making me feel like I was a baby or exaggerating (though I'm sure I was both). And that is what I needed. I have called her when the girls are going through horrible crazy tantrum phases and she always knows exactly what I am feeling and just says she is sorry and again validates the fact that YES it sucks, and YES it's ok to acknowledge that fact do some venting.
^^ Wimpy mother of one.
During that first year Mike was constantly directing me to Simcha's blog and I
have been an out-of-the-closet fan of hers from those earliest blog
reading days. And while I know she is not a "mommy blogger", she does
have almost 2 of her own basketball teams of kids, and frequently writes
on motherly matters and so I think she counts. Grace was my very
first favorite "mom blog" and in my wildest blog dreams (oh, you don't have wild blog dreams?) my blog would have been
just a poor man's Camp Patton. If Jenny had written something new that I
hadn't read I would skip a meal to read it and I have been a creepy
excited follower of Dwija and Cari for quite some time. There were just
so many to read! I was like a kid in a candy shop and it was only a
matter of time before I would go ahead and parrot what all these other
greater mothers and writers were doing and receive my own more frequent
blogging therapy through constant Internet venting. I have added a whole
host of new blogs similar to the above listed over the years that are
all so good and I think it is safe to say that I read too many blogs
Comfort: Without all the solidarity and "community" that the
blogging has brought me I do not think I would have stuck with it. It is
so uplifting to post about something that is nearly breaking me (sleep
deprivation, toddler tantrums, potty training to name a few) and that
can feel so isolating while in the thick of them and get so many responses-
heck even one response!- from bloggers and non-bloggers alike letting me know that I am not at all alone. My fellow comrades are on the front
lines fighting against great odds to be half-way-decent mothers daily,
and it is hard.
I also enjoy and
appreciate blogs that take a more positive approach than mine,
sometimes I have to force myself to go forth and read and stop
wallowing in my pool of self pity, because yes misery loves company but
too many miserable people is just annoying. I love Lindsay's blog for
it's uplifting, often deep spiritual approach and for how much she just
soaks up the goodness of motherhood. Katrina is always full of uplifting posts about her sweet little one. Sheena is always doing some project that makes me want to bust out
my glue gun and just glue the first thing I see. Lauren was my best
friend in college and just redesigned and renamed her blog after my
favorite saint I will be visiting daily no doubt.
Sanity: There are things that my blog contains that I never would have thought it would, because whatever form a sanity-saver takes on a given day it could end up in the blog. For instance, if style related things are making me happy, I may do a shoddy outfit post (see every Sunday post this year). If doing the shred is helping me feel less like a mad woman, I may do an entire post about trying to workout, and look back and shudder at how annoying I can be. If making and eating delicious food or sewing something or fixing up a room in our home is bringing me particular joy, I will probably blog about it. If coffee is helping me get through the day (EVERY DAY) I will blog about again, and again, and again. Sanity takes so many forms, and being able to blog about it is a double sanity booster.
So there you have it. You can go back to sleep tonight when you wake up in utter turmoil over not knowing exactly why I started and continue to blog. And if you don't have a blog, you can stop saying that your reasons for starting one are too stupid because you'll always have this post to look back at and say "hey, someone else has dumber reasons for starting a blog than me".