About a month ago I made a way overdue doctor's appointment for Lucy's 1 year well check with nurse appointments for both older girls to get flu shots. The various polar vortexes made it so that the appointments had to be pushed back at least 3 maybe 4 times, and since I was already dreading it, the constant rescheduling made it even more ever-looming and terrifying to me. A doctor visit with lots of shots and all three girls in tow while I ride it solo while feeling like I might just chuck all my insides right there in the office thanks to the fourth free loader in utero: why would I not be super excited about it?
Cue this morning. The day actually came without a major blizzard to accompany it meaning I could not call and reschedule for the 4th or 5th time, I had to suck it up and just do it. And as any mother of tiny persons knows, a doctor appointment for all the kids does not just encompass the time slot it is scheduled for but rather begins at the very dawn of the day. You start mentally preparing for the chaos that will be, and wondering what steps need to be taken first in order not go insane and to not be a full 30 minutes late.
So indulge me while I cope with the insanity that was this morning by dragging you through it from the earliest hours of being awake, because I am cruel. I will only torture you up to the present moment where we all bask in the post-doctor appointment glow with cheese sticks and Peter Pan.
The Countdown to the 10 o'clock Doctor Appointment
2:00 a.m.: Bladder alarm sounds for the second time, this time I grab a banana from the kitchen for my starving belly, waking me up enough to think even more about the appointment. Eventually I go back to sleep.
4:45: 3rd bladder alarm.
6:00: Child alarms sound loudly at which time I sort of lie and tell them it is still the "middle of the night" and they need to try to go back to sleep, which works for 30 more glorious minutes.
6:30: I decide to stop trying to get 10 more minutes of sleep and hit the shower before the kids emerge and sabotage the opportunity for cleanliness, but first I have to grab a piece of toast or I will hurl.
7:00: Run and give the girls some coloring stuff in their room to buy myself a few more minutes before the breakfast rush.
7:02: Lucy is screaming so I throw on a robe and grab her from her crib. She greets me with many diaper treasures to be dealt with before any clothing can be applied to myself.
7:10: The girls run out to show me their colored pictures and beg for breakfast. Still in my robe, I gather their breakfasts, put them in front of them and run to clothe myself.
7:20: I eat some cereal with them since I am already starving again.
7:30-8:30: I keep them relatively happy in the toy room, but am unable to exit myself unless I want to carry Lucy around, and I never ever do, so I stay put on the couch while they play around me. (This was a huge mistake logistically, since I am now a mere 90 minutes from the start of the doctor appointment with- ZERO children dressed and one mother only partially dressed in sweats and sweatshirt.
8:30: I realize we need to start getting ready and I have nothing to do with the clingiest Lucy except hold her or plop her down in front of a Sing Along video. Nausea says, Sing Along video it is.
8:33: I make the girls get dressed before said Sing Along goes on so that something is actually accomplished.
8:40: They're dressed, on goes the video. I scarf down a yogurt because, naturally, I am starving again and suuuuper nauseous. I go back and fourth about taking a zofran, but I know I need to conserve and should probably wait until we are leaving, so I wait.
8:45: The older 2 girls decide they do not want to watch the video and would rather color, but I must first tear out the pictures they want and they must first look through each one as painstakingly slow as they can. I declare that "it is not my job to tear out coloring pages for you!" and run off to get ready. (It IS, in fact, my job to tear out their coloring pages)
8:55: I am finally starting to get ready myself when I hear some ultra loud shrieking from the living room and then some thuds and cries from all parties except Lucy who is completely zonked out watching the video, I'm so proud of her. I run out to break up the fight, which was apparently caused by one girl wanting to "be the red girl" in the video and the other one declaring that "she was NOT allowed to be the red girl", shit got crazy.
9:10: Time outs and talking-tos are done but now Lucy has lost interest in the video and is crying at my feet demanding to be held. I pick her up and take them all out to the living room to turn off the video that no one cares about and deal with tantrums from everyone because I turned it off, they make so much sense.
9:15: We need to leave in approximately 20 minutes because it takes 20 minutes to get there. I need to get Lucy breakfast because she still hasn't really eaten more than dry cheerios and the girls are demanding snacks. I cook a bunch of eggs and cut some strawberries, throw them on the table, plop Lucy in the high chair and run to find something other than sweatpants to wear (NOTE: this may not seems like a big deal, but it is the most stressful part of the day most days.)
9:25: No pants fit and I need some leggings, I go dump out all the laundry to try to find some.
Only to realize they were clean in the closet the whole time.
9:35: I am finally dressed and yell out to the girls to please get shoes on because we need to leave in 5 minutes (!!!) Bernadette yells back that she needs to poop (!!!) Great. I am sure we'll be at least 15 minutes late at this point. I throw coloring books, crayons, books, diapers, and snacks in my purse and run to get them ready and in the car.
9:45: Now to get shoes and coats on everyone and put them in the car.
9:50: Finally get them in the car and rummage through my purse for a solid 2 minutes before I realize the keys are in my coat pocket. I mentally shout as many expletives with my inner voice as it takes for me to feel better, approximately 14. Also grab a piece of bread and cheese because, of course, I am starving AGAIN.
9:53: Give a cracker to a screaming Lucy and hit the road.
Works 50% of the time, every time.
10:00: Still driving, at least 10 minutes from the doctor, and hitting every. single. red light. But....
10:06: Destination DOCTOR. Thank you, lead foot.
We made it, we weren't that late and it wasn't that bad! I opted out of the flu shots for the girls since flu season in practically over and we've been spared thus far and we never really leave the house anymore anyways and I didn't want to torture myself, too many good reasons not to do it.
Lucy is a healthy horse and tolerated her immunizations pretty well while the older girls stared in terrified awe as she got needled and then tried desperately to make her feel better, earning them a "special" movie watch (we literally watch a movie every day, but I will never stop calling it "special" because I'm determined for them to not start thinking they are entitled to one, although I am pretty sure they do).
Now go treat yourself to something special for making it to the end of this horribly boring post. Off with you!