I don't want to blame the dirty state of my house on homeschooling + pregnancy, but I'm blaming it on homeschooling + pregnancy. Ever since I started to feel less awful, I see so much more clearly how gross things are, but the hours of the day when I would typically be doing productive house cleaning stuff are taken up with things like phonics, math, and if we're getting really fancy, religion and history. While you would think those should only take 45 minutes to an hour a day, they take a full 2-3 hours, easily. Sure, I could those hours where they are sleeping and pony up and work but they are spent in an exhausted pregnant heap on the couch or sleeping myself. Plus there are the normal things that need to be done daily that I can't get out of: dishes, laundry, cleaning every body's poop, feeding all the people, etc... It's a lot!!
And I know we ALL have those things on our plates, I am not at all asserting that things are harder for me than anyone else but simply standing up and saying: I cannot do it all. I AM standing in awe of those of you who do it all and stay sane.
The last month got even crazier because right around the last week of January Bernadette got some virus that was as super thrilling combo of a high fever, vomit and other bodily fluids, which had the added bonus of what seemed to be a 3-7 day latent period before striking its next victim. What this meant for us is an entire month of having this bug in our house. As soon as one person got better, another got it, some to lesser or greater degrees, but everyone it hit had the exact same symptoms. I was spared, and Lucy seemed to fight off the worst of it, for which I am EXTREMELY grateful (and please please please don't let this jinx me because Mike only got over it 4 days ago which means it could possibly still attack).
It was awful, and I was face to face with what a HUGE wimp I am when it comes to added difficulties in the home and face to face with the fact that I need help.
Right before the bug-of-the-year hit Mike he got a call from a school that he applied to for a teaching position letting him know that he had gotten an interview. Great! But! An interview that would mean no husband help for a full 4 days (AND WE ALL KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT).
That was it. I had hit my limit and for a brief moment I stopped giving a crap about money or how pathetic it might make me look and I took the first step in the direction of getting a little help: I called a house cleaner.
I am not even joking, as the lady went down the list of what they do in their standard one-time house cleaning, I almost burst into tears at the thought of those things actually getting done, and me not having to do them all. It was glorious and I almost yelled "YES I WANT ALL OF THAT PLEASE COME RIGHT AWAY AND BY THE WAY, WILL YOU BE MY BEST FRIEND?!?" at her on the phone. I refrained from some of it.
Once I made the appointment for them to come, it felt like a huge weight was lifted and every time I've remembered that someone is coming to help with the cleaning, an involuntary smile just happens, which is kind of miraculous because this past month has seen me mustering all my facial muscle strength to force smiles during the day.
They come tomorrow so you can expect a freshly-cleaned house gram some time tomorrow afternoon. Or just a selfie of me weeping with joy, either or.
Then there was the issue of Mike being gone most of this week/weekend. My initial instinct was to do what I usually do and get all angry and resentful and emotional at Mike for leaving his poor wife and children, because I'm real grown-up and mature.
Mike brought up the idea of our whole family driving as far as Steubenville and him dropping me and the kids off at my parents so I would have their help with things while he interviewed, I think my first response was literally "no, I can handle things". Let me repeat that "no, I can handle things".
I called my mother and was quickly lifted out of my idiotic state and came to the conclusion that, yes, I need to not stay here and go it alone with the kids when we're getting over a month of sickness and, well, pregnancy.
So I am slowly learning what every seasoned mother has learned and advises: to ask for help and to not try to do everything yourself, and it feels good. Also, to eat ice cream, but that I've always been good at.