Friday, June 1, 2018

adiós mayo

Linking up with Kelly to celebrate the fact that May is finally over!!

1) It was a really long month, full of lots of good things and lots of hard things, and overall we are just really excited for June with pool trips and as many activities as I can cram in because: have I mentioned that Mike is defending the dissertation that never ends in July? Oh I have?? Are you sure? Just in case I'm going to mention it some more.

2) Where are all my wives of doctoral students? Please do tell me how on earth you got through the last few weeks before the defense because Mike is probably the very best at balancing family with work even during this insanely busy time but he happens to be married to a wife that is the worst at handling any less than normal. Also every time he tells me he "finished" something I get all excited and think it's that he finished a chapter but it turns out it's the first of 3 sections of a chapter and I get a tad nauseous and just try to say something that sounds excited (in fairness he has finished almost every single chapter, I'm just a serious wimp). He also keeps comparing the process to childbirth and apparently the current phase he is in is transition and almost to pushing, so I think it best to just leave him alone right now. If you need someone to hang out with post 8 p.m. hit me up- I'll be watching Office reruns alone eating baby carrots.

3) I want to thank you sweet friends for all the love and prayers after my last post. I always feel a little hesitant writing those blog posts but your kindness in your responses and all the prayers you offer up remind me that this online community is a legit community. Thank you!!

4) I took the kids to my parents at the beginning of the month to celebrate my first year successfully administering end of the year Iowa tests (and to give Mike a chance to write his little heart out without children screaming outside his office door) and it was lovely. Every smile time I'm with my siblings and their kids my heart just hurts that we don't live closer to them - still have my fingers crossed though.

5) These boys.

I do not know how I got so lucky to have a pair like them but lately I've just been sitting on porch  watching them in awe of it, not a super productive thing to do but so good for the soul.

6) We had been thinking for a while about potentially sending Naomi to school next year and I'll admit that the thought of not homeschooling all 3 girls for a year was super exciting BUT we have decided not to send her after all and I'll admit I'm a tad terrified. I know I can do it but I don't know if I can do without turning to consistent day time drinking starting at 11 a.m. Kidding, but seriously how do you keep doing it year after year after year after year after.....   how?

7) Meanwhile I will work in offering up the various anxieties and frustrations for sweet Kendra and her family who could really use prayers.


  1. The beauty of homeschooling is that you CAN decide that every year! And some years the thought of doing it again the next year was SO daunting. And some years I loved it. And every year I'm SO glad when summer comes. And next year is my very LAST year of homeschooling - because my "baby" (who is now taller than me) is entering 8th grade. We decided a long time ago to just homeschool through middle school and then send them to our much loved local Catholic high school. This has been the best choice for our family and has worked really well for each kid. They have found their place there and done really well. I admit to being both excited for the end and a little sad. It has been the best thing for my relationship with my kids - and I know I would not have that if we hadn't homeschooled. But it was also so hard in many ways. In the end, I'm glad I persevered, but I'm looking forward to the next stage!

  2. Fellow wife of doctoral student here! My husband just defended in December and walked at graduation in May, and it was one of the best moments of my life. My husband's Ph.D is in philosophy, and he started grad school a few months after we started dating 10 years ago; he's been ABD the last 6 years, right after the birth of our first child, while also working full time in a totally unrelated field. It was a very, very, very long haul. I felt like the last year was the hardest, because he was so, so close to being done, but then lots of little but time-consuming things kept popping up and it really felt like it would never be done.

    All that to say, I don't have good advice for how to get through it, but you're almost there!!! Plan a huge party for the whole family to celebrate after the defense. This is as much a testament to your support of your husband and to your perseverance as it is to his hard work. Congratulations to the both of you!!!!

  3. We married after he finished his MD/PhD but dated throughout the dissertation writing; so sympathy and solidarity. Feel free to reach out any evening.

    Happy Summer to you and your littles!!

  4. My husband defended his dissertation something like two weeks before the birth of our second child (also like three days before we moved cross country). So, basically, I went on lots of ice cream dates with friends I was moving away from and chased around a toddler and didn’t pack and cried out of sheer overwhelm and it was pretty much the only time in three pregnancies I’d let myself have a half glass of something now and again. But now he has his dream job, we actually make money (compared to grad school stipends, anyway) and I get to call him “Doctor.” Hang in there!

  5. This wife of a PhD finished her dissertation two months before husband did. With three under 4, one of whom was breastfeeding. I think literally the day after I finished, I started editing Rob's, and did that every day for the next two months until his was in. Then moved across the country a month later haha. I still don't know how I did that. I think I've blocked large parts of it and am still living out the trauma of the other parts. Life is better when it's done, hang in there!

  6. oh my goodness, the analogy between finishing the dissertation and childbirth made my life. Love and prayers to you both in this final stretch!!!

  7. I finished my PhD while 6 months pregnant with my second as my husband was interviewing for his medical fellowship and just after the 2016 election. While I was traveling for my defense (we had moved out of state from my institution during the dissertation stage) my toddler decided to stop pooping and be miserable all the time. Needless to say, I became anxious and depressed and stopped sleeping. So what helped me was anti-depressants, Unisom, and therapy. Which is maybe not the answer for everyone? But hang in there! I was obviously on the other side of it so I don't know if I have any advice, but he's very lucky to have you.