Thursday, May 8, 2014

One Hot, Pregnant Mess

I was all set to link up with Blythe's One Hot Mess link-up with my 2 littlest tantrumers being the stars of the post because most days they seem to be in a in a head to head competition for who can flail their limbs the farthest (tied), make their voices reach the highest decibels (Lucy) and who requires more man power to hold down for the duration of tantrum (Bernadette), but then they were absolute angels the last 2 mornings and I could not bring myself to do it.

Mike has been bringing Naomi to morning Mass with him this week, so I've had the two fireballs for about 45 solo minutes each day, during which time they have:
1) played sweetly together
2) exchanged admiring glances
3) thrown each other sweet, pretend birthday parties

4) and played with some dirty diapers, but that never hurt anyone before.

so.... I have nothing to complain about. Nothing at all.

Once I thought about it I realized that lately it is the case that the main hot mess in this house is currently typing your face off. I would blame it solely on pregnancy, but as Grace pointed out, the hormonal crazies only continue on and peak in postpartum days, so I guess I will just blame the hormones. I have no fears that any sane person who has ever read this blog is under any illusions that I have it all together (I think you could call my entire a blog a demonstration of a life of hot messes) but I guess that makes this post all the easier to do.

I took this selfie (or selfies) the other day, which will be entered as my epic selfie for #SOTG because, oh my land, the tears how they flow. All the time. Over anything.

I mean, this is slightly dramatized for effect, but there were so many numerous points throughout this book that I was literally reading it with my face buried as far in it as it would go so that the girls would not ask me repeatedly WHY I WAS CRYING?!?! Story of my pregnant life.

Then there is the weekly "stare in the mirror and wail about how I am just so big and there is no way on God's green earth that Mike can possibly find me even slightly attractive anymore!!! To which he always responds that I am gorgeous and wonderful and the best ever to which I always respond that he is just saying that and doesn't actually think it. Then I feel bad and thank him and thank God because I really do not deserve him.

Then there was the moment I looked in the mirror and realized this is how I look every morning. So much for all the dreams of looking pretty in some lacy maternity night gown, or even a decently fitting pair of pants for that matter. Against all inclinations to decency and tact, I will share my morning mess with you all.

Once again, I think I should probably invest in some maternity pjs, because these are just about to burst and Lucy keeps coming up to me and grabbing my belly when I wear this shirt because from her angle, it is all belly.

Shortly following this picture, I sent the girls outside for some morning sidewalk chalk time and decided it would be the perfect time to liberate the refrigerator of its left over Sunday waffle contents. I had been eying them up since Sunday but I knew if I ate them in front of the girls they would freak over why I got them and why they didn't to which I would respond with a simple mathematical equation:

2 regular sized waffles + 3 ravenous waffle eating toddlers = no one leaves happy

But they are not proficient in math yet, so I decided to just eat them. While I was enjoying them, I watched with glee while they played peacefully and felt like I was in mother-heaven watching sweet girls from my kitchen perch while eating sweet, delicious, albeit several day-old waffles. Then it all ended and they started screaming about something so I ran out and tried to settle it before my waffles got cold, but it wasn't resolving itself. So instead of re-heating the waffles, I grabbed the plate, ran into the bathroom, locked the door and devoured the waffles with a crying Lucy outside the door and Naomi yelling and asking me "what I was eating?!?".

No shame.

Ok, only a little shame.

Hot mess.

Don't judge.

Really, I just eat all the time. I am eating right now and I have probably had roughly 4 small meals since I started this post. Last week found me in a craving tizzy which resulted in a desperate search through the ice cream aisle at the grocery store for chocolate peanut butter ice cream, which is incidentally only sold by Haagen Dazs in the small container, (and is the best ice cream on the face of the planet!!) so naturally I bought that plus a nice normal gallon size of "chocolate craving", which was also good.

All the ice cream is gone.

On the plus side, I am giving credit to the Blood Builder for giving me some increased motivation to organize the crap out of the house. Not cleaning, cleaning is repulsive to me. Behold exhibits 1, 2 and 3:

But I have new a new found desire to get rid of ALL THE THINGS!! I have been dividing my give away piles into different thrift stores so all our stuff doesn't end up at one place. My next operation will be Organize The Kitchen, 2014, and while that would usually keep me up at night with panic attacks, now it makes me feel like high school Ana being offered free tickets to go see LFO.
The thought of it feels so good.

The facial breakouts are also reminiscent of that high school time period and I won't even start on the various glamorous side effects of hefty weight gain + new found 85 degree days but I will just stop here because I could go on and on and on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on, but I will just be...


Hit up Blythe and the others for more!


  1. When I'm pregnant, I always have the desire to get rid of ALL THE THINGS as well. But, I never have any desire to clean. Funny how I have this fantasy that if I get rid of ALL THE THINGS, whatever's left will magically stay clean. LOL

  2. Oh my gosh, your story about the waffles is so funny! I admit I've secretly snacked in my bedroom when there wasn't enough for the kids to have some too.

    1. There is something really thrilling about secret snacking. It is the most rebellious thing we moms can do some days :)

  3. So, am I going to break your heart when I tell you that my high school won a radio station penny drive, and the prize was LFO playing a private concert in our dumpy school gymnasium? For realz. Anddddd, we won again the next year with the somehow even more awesome prize of a in-school O-Town concert. Oh, Ashley Angel. You're the stuff Catholic high school girl dreams are made of.

  4. And, the "What are you eatingggg???!!??" question is the WORST. I usually just tell them raisins.

  5. Haha oh geez I just laughed and sympathized and laughed over this whole post! Prayers!!!!

  6. Love. It. Especially the waffles.

    Aurocorrect just changed that to wattles - excuse me? Like a turkey? But ironically did not catch "aurocorrect" just now for "autocorrect."

  7. You. Are. The. Best.
    Oh my gosh! This is like the best post ever.

    The locking yourself in the bathroom. laughing, laughing. That's a) horrid to laugh at pregnancy hunger because it is bottomless b) a whole new option I need to consider when trying to have one hot something: meal, cup of coffee, cup of coffee, cup of coffee, etc, cup of coffee

  8. Do you have Bruster's near you? They have THE BEST chocolate/peanut butter ice cream - it's called "Chocolate Peanut Butter Buckeye" and it's AMAZING. Seriously. Chocolate ice cream (but not too chocolatey) + peanut butter swirls + mini buckeyes. Heaven on earth...or something like that. I'm pretty sure that ice cream alone accounted for at least 10lbs of my weight gain with my first pregnancy.

  9. If you shop at Target, they offer a Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter World special edition that will rock your too-tight pjs right off. I'd say it's better than the Haagen, but only because it's got a chocolate cookie crunch edge. I prefer to alternate pints of them myself. And I did find ALL the available pb ice cream versions while pregnant, in case you were wondering.

  10. Dude, hiding in the bathroom is the onnnnlllly way to get things done sometimes! And I almost put myself as the one hot mess, too! And I'm not even pregnant!

  11. I always felt cheated that I never got bitten by the nesting bug when pregnant. My house could use it!

  12. I've eaten my fair share of meals in the bathroom! And there is a brand of ice cream called Stonebridge. I've only ever seen it sold at Jewel. It has the BEST chocolate peanut butter ice cream. Soooo creamy!

  13. Ha ha ha....I'm just like Amelia.

  14. That Haagen Daas ice cream is the best. ice cream. ever. Just wanted to support your claim. :)

  15. Bryers has a chocolate Reese's ice cream out right now. Just saying.

  16. At week 34, rolling into my law firm in a maternity tent every day, with my face looking like puff pastry now that it is 85 degrees and muggy in my apartment while I toss and turn all night...this post was EXACTLY what I needed. Because if you still look so great and feel like I feel, maybe I don't look as bad as I think too :) Thanks, friend!

  17. I have no idea who you are, but I love you. It's like looking in a mirror. Why does it give us hope to know that there are other moms out there do (and apparently looking) just like I do? I have four children 5,4,2,1 and we are trying to sell our house in one area of the state in order to buy and house and move to the other... my life looks just like yours... except I'm not pregnant. Was. Not anymore... yet.