Mike Check

During a conversation where I was expressing some concern over whether we were short-changing Bernadette by not having potty-trained her yet, Mike said:
"Bernadette has been getting short-changed her entire life. She used to it."

One night after begging me to make a late-night run for some oreos and me refusing, Mike walked into the kitchen and said: "Could you Google 'can not having oreos cause unrelenting sadness?', real quick?"

While trying to figure out what actress co-starred with Sigourney Weaver in the fourth Alien movie (we are making our way through the series), Mike said: "You know, that minx who was in all those 90s movies, Winona Ryder."

"You should include a picture of Winona Ryder. And say that I used to have a crush on her."

After telling Mike that I was thinking about spray-painting a pair of shoes, Mike said: "Do people do that? Do non-homeless people do that?"

In the car on the way home while all three girls were whining as loud as they could,
Ana: "I think everybody is ready for naps"
Mike: "I think everybody is ready for a drink. Or just me."

While playing around on his guitar, trying to come up with a chord progression he liked, Mike said:
"I wish I was more creative, a lot more creative. Just leaking creativity out of least 2 major orifices. Or even only one."

To Lucy while she was doing, in public, her obnoxious growl that does all the time now: "Lucy, stop it. You are not contributing to a culture of life right now."

I made Mike try a bite of my banana avocado smoothie (thank you, Grace!), and after expressing his dislike very clearly, he asked what was in it. I told him there was banana and avocado (he loathes avocado), and after making a loud gag noise, Mike said: "And just a leetle bit of Lucy's diarrhea..."

Mike Check

Upon coming out of the girls room after they had gotten up for at least the 10th time after laying them down for bed, Mike said:
"Sometimes you've just gotta spank them. Why?... Why not?"

"The spanking one makes me sound a bit mean, no?"

 Talking to me about the dead transplanted bush in the back yard, Mike said:
"Its a disgrace to bushes everywhere, we call it 'George W'"

Getting ready to head home from dinner at a friend's house, Mike looked at a wobbly Lucy, who I was holding, and said:
"We should probably wait to go home until she's sobered up"

During a conversation about North Korea's constant empty threats, Mike said sarcasticaly- in the voice of North Korea:
"No really, we're really seriously going to bomb you this time, like for reals, we're going to nuke you... Gangham Style."

Ana: "What are you going to do for me for mother's day?"
Mike, dismissively: "I didn't realize I had been birthed by you."

Mike, confused as to my uncharacteristically cheery disposition, asked me: "Are you drunk?"
Ana: "No, I'm just in a good mood."
Mike: "So this is what that looks like!"

Mike Check

"Who took that picture? Are we being surveilled?"

Mike mentioned that his back was hurting, I said I was sorry to hear it and he replied:
"I'm pretty sure it is a type of pain that comes from too much child care."

After laughing at him over how excited he was over his new Steelers DVD, Mike said:
"I'd rather feel excited and pathetic than bored and snobby, which is how I normally feel"

Upon opening said DVD, Mike held it and said:
"Now I have 4 children. I will call you, 'Steelers'"

In response to me telling him excitedly that I have 99 followers to my blog, Mike said:
"I should stop following."

After I asked him to get me a glass of water while I was nursing, Mike said:
"What about me, huh? How can I serve Mike? I think more people should ask themselves that."

 I asked Mike to go get a fussing Lucy and he replied:
"I don't think she is waking up, I've asked the girls to say "daddy" twice if they need something. I feel sure Lucy was in the room when I said it"

Commenting on the indigestion that followed his holiday-leftovers snacking, Mike said:
"You'd think after eating lots of salami, chips, cookies, candy, and cheese, I would be feeling better..."

Responding to my laughter at beating him in a card game, Mike said:
"We'll see who's laughing when I steal all the stickers to your NFP charts."

While Mike was holding Lucy he asked whether her head was bobbling on accident or on purpose. After I informed him it was not intentional and was just due to her lack of head control he said:
"Oh good. For a moment I was worried that she was making fun of Michael J. Fox, and we can't have that."
 

Happy 30th Birthday, Mike

In honor of the celebration of the birth of our family's patriarch I bring you: the return of a little Mike Check and 30 things I love about him, complete with picture collages.

"Over the top", you say? Nothing is too much for the father of my babies. It may be a bit sappy and there may be too many pictures and some repeats from last year, but you'll just have to deal, or don't read it. Here we go.

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While talking last night about this blog post and how I could come up with 30 things I love about him, Mike said: "Are you sure you can come up with that many that aren't innappropriate?"

After we made him birthday "cake", that needs to sit all night I took a picture for the blog and Mike said:

"Don't take a picture of it, it's going to look all gross and purple like all of your food shots"

While hanging out Mike was talking about wanting to go get a Whopper and I said that the burgers would be better if we wait until their deal (buy one get on for 55 cents) starts, and Mike said:
"See, that's where you demonstrate your ignorance, Whoppers would be just as good now"

As I was describing to Mike how Naomi and Bernadette baptize each other in the bath, I explained that Naomi baptizes Bernadette then Bernadette baptizes Naomi and Mike said:
"And then they pee and then they drink the water and then they baptize each other again"

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30 things I love about my now 30-year-old husband:

(sorry that some are hard to read and for some spelling errors, grillking=grilling)

For more Mike posts:
-Our love saga part 1, part 2 and part 3
-And last year's birthday post
-And for more Mike Checks

7 quickitty quicks

I) Naomi had her first day of Catechesis of the Good Shepherd yesterday. The day began oh so gloriously at 5:30 on the nose, since she just could not contain her excitement about going to "class." Since Mike and I don't plan on sending her anywhere ever except maybe an all-girls boarding school and then the convent, it was pretty monumental for us as well. And what do overly sentimental parents do when they are feeling overly sentimental? They take pictures.

II) She was so excited to leave (can you tell?), and it certainly did not seem like she had the same overly sentimental reaction as her very pregnant, emotional basket-case of a mother. I asked her later that day if she thought about me while she was there and she said:

"No, I just sat and thought about Bernadette. I didn't think about you at all" 

-single tear-

That's what I get for giving her a sibling.

III) One of my best friends from college days (and beyond) has started up her blog again, leaving me more than a little excited. She posted this fabulous idea the other day and, though I must say I am going to have to dig really deep to find the spot inside of me that enjoys arts and crafts (I don't think there is such a spot), I really want to make it, especially with Naomi starting catechesis this year. Also, if you have girls, you need to read her hilarious post about her little girl's first days at school- it's classic.


IV) Mike has been adhering to some pretty strict dieting/exercising lately and has been graciously updating me nightly of his poundage lost that *day* (why the heck to guys lose weight so fast?!?!). The timing is simply impeccable, as I have been gaining pounds on the daily. When I pointed this fact out the other night before bed, all he had to say was:

"She must increase, and I must decrease." 

I said nothing. Ok fine, I laughed. A lot. 

V) Speaking of weight loss and fitness, I was utterly impressed with Bridget's latest post about accomplishing her goal. I think she just gave birth like a couple of months ago, simply ridiculously awesome. I am hoping she will do some sort of online training for me after this babe comes.


VI) Did you see that Paige had her baby?? If you didn't, now you did. I was so thrilled to hear the gender and weight of her new baby, since I was kind of blog-stalking her everyday waiting to find out-- in the non-creepiest way, of course.


VII) We went to the zoo after Naomi's class yesterday and got really up-close and personal with some wild life:

Yes, that is a chimp staring the children down while he stuffs his face with salad. And that is Bernadette running to me out of fear for her life. I could take that chimp, for sure.

And for good measure, here is Naomi getting all up in an otter's face:

Yeah, that's right. Swim away, Otter. Swim away.

For more, click over to Jen.

Check it

When Mike returned, very sweaty, from an hour or so of playing racquetball by himself the other day, I asked him how it was. He said: "It was good. But they didn't have any racquetballs, so I just had to pretend." They did have racquetball balls.

I asked Mike if he could switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer before he went to bed on Friday night. He said: "Sorry, I'm Shomer Shabbos" (language warning: nsfw, or littles).

After watching me carry over the same gigantic basket of laundry the next day, Mike said, while sitting on the couch watching college football: "Oh sweetie, don't worry about folding that.... I'll have the girls do it" (he did end up folding it later that night).

Quipped Mike in response to my picture-taking on our date: "We were having a moment. Now you've ruined it."

While out to dinner the other evening, I asked the waitress what the "legendary margarita" was, before she could answer Mike said: "They're the ones you heard about in stories when you were a little girl." No laugh from the waitress. Loser.

After a listening to a long stint of me complaining about how uncomfortable I am and how I don't want to go anywhere during the day, let alone move at all, and how I am so sick of being pregnant and huge, Mike said: "You better be careful or you're going to end up like the mom from "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?", only angry." (He was kidding. I think.)

Monday Mike Check

Hope you're all doing just fine this wonderful Monday. I have been graced with some much-welcome company: one of my bffs from college came to the Bend with her 2 boys, and we are trying to show them a fun time, or as much fun as you can have in the rain, with 4 toddlers (soooo just drinking wine and coffee and talking). Therefore I have decided to leave you with a few funny one-liners from Mike, since I should be with my buddy and not blogging.

"Wait, what are doing? Why are you taking my picture?"

While getting ready for bed last night, Mike, who has been bummed that he is allegedly getting chubby, and who has thus embarked on a strict regimen of diet and exercise, turned to me and faux-overconfidently said: "Hey, when you go to do laundry next... you should use the wash board" (pointing to his stomach "muscles").

While making our bed the other day, we both looked at our white-turned-yellowish-brown duvet cover and were commenting on how terrible it looks. Mike said, "I just want to say how very sorry I am that I pushed for getting the white cover, said Ana to Mike."

On Friday, after my boost in blog traffic, I was complaining to Mike that I really did not want to make dinner that night. Mike said, "Don't worry about it, if we get hungry we'll just subsist on Jen Fulwiler's affirmation."

After telling him I was doing another "Mike Check" with the above quotes, Mike said "I'm not sure those are funny enough, you better not dilute my brand"

Is this thing on?

I've run out of photo space on my blogger, which makes no sense to me and Mike is trying to help me figure it out. So in the mean time I am just going to be gracing you with some sweet graphics such as the one above, crafted by yours truly to go with my equally awesome words.

Mike's been busting out some pretty sweet one liners recently, so I thought I'd share some with you.

Just now, after looking at my computer screen and seeing my newly crafted graphic for "Mike Check", Mike said:

"It makes me feel like I have to throw up"

Earlier today on our way to a rare trip to daily Mass, I shared with Mike that my stomach was hurting. He looked down at my 6 month pregnant stomach and said:

"After Mass we can stop by a drug store and pick up a pregnancy test"

The other night after I was showing him something silly I had seen on the interwebs, Mike said:

"That is the worst thing to hit the internet since Lolcats"

Then, after informing Mike that I had no idea what "lolcats" was, he said:

"You don't know what 'lolcats' is? What the hell's the matter with you?"

While out on a lunch date at a brewery/pub, after looking around lost in thought, Mike said:

"I need more tattoos. I think we can all agree about that" (he doesn't have any tatoos).

During our anniversary date night last week, Mike was staring at one of the TV screens, then looked at me and said:

"I'm not going to tell you that I look forward to the start of the NFL season more than I did our wedding day, because it's our anniversary, and that would be inappropriate"

Link up and Mike ch...ch...check

Linking up with one of my favorite bloggers, Grace, for a first post link-up in honor of 2 years of her blogging and therefore 2 years of people laughing more and being generally happier people.





Also in honor of this fabulous mom-of-a-blogger, I am copying off of her yet again for another post of funny things that Mike says, aka, Mike check.

"You can use that picture, but only if it has a funny caption" -Mike

Last night while comiserating with Mike about how terrible the girls have been recently he said:

"One of us should fake our death to drive home to the girls how much they undervalue us"

After giving Mike a hard time for throwing away a peach after taking one bite, Mike said:

"It felt like I was biting into a sac of puss, can you understand now why I threw it away?"

Mike walked in the room and informed me that he had fixed the broken DVD-VCR player, I asked him how he did it and he said:

 “If I told you, I would lose all my mystique”

During one a Bernadette's every-fourteen-minutes tantrums Naomi asked why Bernadette was crying and Mike replied: 

"I don’t know, I think it’s because her Facebook stocks are down”

While Naomi was talking to Quincy the bee (Mike) she asked Quincy if he needed some sun screen, Quincy answered: 

"No, I don't actually have a dermis"

Mike Check: Baby Gender

I know I said that posting Mike's sayings would not be a recurring thing, and it probably shouldn't since I think it might be getting to his head- every time he says something even mildly amusing he points at me and yells "Mike check!".

However I thought I would make an exception just this once (and maybe again if he says something funny enough) to announce the gender of our third child.

While at dinner last week with my sister-in-law and her fiance, Mike announced the gender of the new baby to Hannah's fiance who she had not yet told, he said:

"Well it's either a girl, or a boy with labia"

We'll hope for girl.

Agatha Lucy Hahn, "Baby Lucy", due 10/25/2012

Simon Says "Mike Check"?

As I'm sure all of you are already aware (at least you should be), the fabulous and indefatigable Grace, of the oft-linked Camp Patton, has a recurring feature in which she relates hilarious things her husband says (or texts). I'm not gonna lie: it's the bees knees, and I've always wanted to do something similar.

There are several problems with this idea though. First, I don't want to look like a copycat. Second, even if I could pull it off, I could never come up with a good name for the feature ("Simon Says"? brilliant. "Mike says"? laaaaaame). Oh yeah, and third, my husband doesn't say funny things. Don't get me wrong, he's amazing and wonderful in pretty much every other way, but he never seems to say things that are blog-post-worthy hilarious.

Ok, so maybe he does and it's just that I don't want to look like a copycat.

In any case, seeing as how my pregnant brain can't hold a thought, and how I hence can't seem to think of anything to blog about, I've decided after much prayerful discernment to post the following, as a humble, non-recurring homage...

Noticing me in my sweatpants in the early pm, with my computer in my lap and a pop-tart in my hand, Mike said, "I see you've got your snacking trousers on and that you've already gotten down to business."

After hearing me explain my concern over how Bernadette has been especially clingy and sad, he said, "I may have told her that we were returning her to K-Mart after the new baby arrives."

After (thankfully) spending the evening with me instead of working, he looked down at his watch and said, "Well, my paper should be done by now, I should pop down and see how it turned out."

During Bernadette's 17th tantrum of the day, Mike picked her up and said, "You're turning into a real disappointment."

Responding to Naomi's demand to know where mommy was (for probably the 47th time), he said, "Toledo, and she might not come back." (I was in the kitchen.)

While dealing with something akin to Pearl Harbor the other day (really just the girls melting down), I yelled downstairs to Mike for some help. When he got upstairs, he said with a smile, "I have a servant's heart and a fresh spanking hand."

In discussing a possible upcoming giveaway on the blog, I said to Mike that "everyone wants a free nursing cover!" Mike said, "Not me. Well, actually..."