I was not home schooled and I have zero issues with the thought of sending my kids to school, and I'm going to be real honest here (shocker!): most days my mouth waters at the idea of me not being the only one in charge of their education and care all day, every day, here in the home. I have gotten online and perused various school tuition costs and had lots of conversations with Mike about whether we should send them to school or continue to home school for these early grades.
When I actually think about the details: separating the girls from each other for such long days, the insanely early start times of schools and needing to get all of us out the door so early, how long the days are for such little kids, the exposure that they would have to so much stuff that would be out of my control-- not educationally but socially-- then I start to have issues with the idea of sending them to school.
It has not seemed like the right move for our family yet and so we are going to keep the girls home again next year, but please be sure that you read that right-- it isn't the right move YET. I cannot actually imagine a world where I home school these kids all the way through middle school, junior high and high school.
Perhaps I will look back on this post in 10 years and recline in my matriarchal swivel chair that overlooks the giant school-room table laden with papers filled with perfect handwriting and strewn with great books that my genius kids have just finished reading and give a hearty laugh at myself, but I doubt it.
However, I am fairly convinced that I am just not specific breed of mother who can deal with that level of crazy.
This is year has been one of the hardest years of mothering for me and I was only attempting to finish kindergarten and start first grade. I taught ONE-- count them, ONE-- child to read and we did math (and some history and religion occasionally) and most days, by the time "lessons" were done I felt like I needed a stiff drink and a nap.
The hardest part is-- even more than feeling like I am not of the "home schooling mom breed"-- that I don't feel like I am wholeheartedly devoted enough to the various principles and convictions that keep home schooling moms home schooling even through the nitty gritty of the days.
And maybe I will be some day. Maybe by the end of next year I will be on board the well-trained-mind express in the front row and buckled in for the long haul, but maybe I won't and either way, it is OK. I have tried to strike up as many conversations as I can with mothers who have BOTH home schooled and sent their kids to school and so far I have gleaned one thing from all of my conversations with them: there is no perfect way and there is no way that doesn't come with its share of challenges and difficulties. That said, there is also no one way that makes you a good mother or a bad one.
I am a good mother regardless of what decision we make with regards to our kids' education after next year (she repeats to herself again and again in the mirror). I have seen first hand the wonderful fruits of home schooling in my own husband and all of his home schooled siblings, and I have also seen wonderful fruits of children being sent to school in my own family and my own siblings and now in their children.
I am grateful to have the kids home with me and to get to be present for so much (SOOO much + winking emoji) of their lives. I am happy that they get to learn about life with each other, holding each others' little hands. I know God is doing good work in all of us through this time, and I am praying daily for the grace to make it through that day. But I am also very open to God leading us in another direction in the future, and I am excited to see what that is when we get there.
Whether or not our kids are educated exclusively here in the home, they will always be loved here, and I am pretty sure that is all that matters.
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There are so many options and I am so happy to know that they are there for me and for my children in the future. One that is especially worth mentioning- and one that I am absolutely filing away now that we have a boy- is Gregory the Great Academy near Scranton Pennsylvania. This is not a sponsored post and no one is paying me for this, but when Gregory the Great contacted me to promote their current fundraising campaign, I was happy to do so for such a great school.
I would never have heard of this school if it weren't for my brother-in-law, David (Mike's youngest brother) who started attending the school last fall. I have never seen a school have such a positive impact on a person as I have seen in David. Gregory the Great offers a liberal arts education in the Catholic tradition through which young men can cultivate virtue, deepen their faith, and sharpen their intellects (grades 9-12). In the year that David has been attending the Academy I have seen him grow in amazing ways, he has learned to play a new instrument (in addition to his mad piano skills) and even learned to juggle clubs and flaming torches!!
I am including them in this post because I have truly been blown away by the fruits of the education that I have seen and I hope and pray that the school continues to grow so that our own family could one day benefit from it as well. They are running a campaign called "Happy as Kings" to raise funds for student tuition discounts and to increase awareness of the unique education that their school offers, and it is so beautiful and unique.
Please consider donating to their campaign or at the very least check out their school's website and tell your friends about this treasure of a school.
The one piece of advise I can give you about homeschooling is to only think one year at a time. When you look to far into the future it makes you crazy. We have one who went all the way through Catholic school, two who were in school and then pulled out to homeschool for part of elementary and through middle school and two who have always been at home. We put ours back in school for high scholol because we have a wonderful Catholic school here. And that has worked for us. Just do what is best from year to year for YOUR family and realize that it might change as your family changes. And don't beat yourself up if you decide school is the right thing.
ReplyDeleteThe one piece of advise I can give you about homeschooling is to only think one year at a time. When you look to far into the future it makes you crazy. We have one who went all the way through Catholic school, two who were in school and then pulled out to homeschool for part of elementary and through middle school and two who have always been at home. We put ours back in school for high scholol because we have a wonderful Catholic school here. And that has worked for us. Just do what is best from year to year for YOUR family and realize that it might change as your family changes. And don't beat yourself up if you decide school is the right thing.
ReplyDeleteSince I was pregnant with my first, I knew homeschooling was for us. I also think I suck at it a lot, but at least I don't have to wake anyone up for pick up. And when the baby stopped sleeping in the morning, I bought an enclosure (pen). I should probably make those great toddler boxes, but now she can't escape! Just to say, I hear ya.
ReplyDeleteI feel ya. I actually started Gwen at our parish school for kinder, but pulled her out halfway through (why am I always that mom!?). We now do some school stuff, but also a lot of playing and reading. Next year she will attend a public alternative school for homeschoolers (yes this is a real thing). She will go there for 8 hours a week and be home the rest. I am stoked. I feel like it's perfect. All the classes are small (8-12 students per) and they have fun stuff like clay art and cooking. Full time school was just was too much for us-having her gone most of the time was awful. But having her home all the time can feel awful too. What's also great is they pay for my materials-glory hallelujah! They won't pay for faith based curriculum but I can easily supplement that at home. I am really hoping this is the thing for us. Maybe see if there is one in your school district? But keep heart knowing that really, at this age, academia is not the most important thing.
ReplyDeleteI relate to this so much. Some days, I feel like I'm rocking this homeschooling thing, other days I question EVERYTHING. We're committed to homeschooling again next year too, but taking it one year at a time.
ReplyDeleteLove this post. I'm having the great debate (to homeschool or not) currently as my mom and sister are homeschoolers but I just don't know if it's for me. I think it's amazing. But I don't know that it's for me. And a lot of what you say feels like exactly how I would feel during it.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest fear with regular school is the exposure to things I can't control (social things as you said). And that's about the only argument I can give to homeschooling (for me) because I'm really ok with the rest of what comes with it.
I think we'll start with regular school and we can always pull them out to homeschool. That's where I've currently settled in my head
I wrestled with homeschooling for 1.5 years starting when our oldest was about to go to pre-K at the Catholic school here in town. My husband and I have been around the block and back about 5 million times and finally we settled on giving the Catholic school a try for Kindergarten - I knew we would be happy doing either but I really was not 'at peace' with homeschooling.
ReplyDeleteDude. I am so there, in every ounce of what you wrote. Our 4th in due in Sept and we are beginning kindergarten and I wasn't homeschooled and the kids are sometimes overwhelming (most days!) and I wonder how I will get through these harder years.... Prayer! Patience! Daily rhythms! This is all I have to lean on.
ReplyDeleteThis was me a couple of years ago.. I put one kid into our local Catholic school, and then the following year I stopped homeschooling our second and put him in. When you put your child in school you will also have days where you question whether you are doing the right thing. And there are days I dream about an unrealistic ideal of homeschool that never was in my house except like one a month :) My husband is great, because he reminds me how much calmer I am as a mom and how the kids are thriving in school. No matter what educational path you choose has it's good and bad. I have a friend who said she couldn't imagine getting up and driving kids to school every morning, her kids sleep late and they start schooling at 10;30 am. My kids have always been super early risers and the routine of school is something I've enjoyed. Every mom is so different. I think your strategy, one year at a time, is really the best approach.
ReplyDeleteThis is so great - I am so glad to hear this perspective and could definitely see this being us in a couple of years. Thanks, Kathleen!!
DeleteYes, you have to work it our for your own situation. What's right for one family(mum) may not be right for another. Follow your instincts. I have nine children and homeschooled three of them for a while and although, in retrospect it was the best thing for them, I could not, in the end continue. The benefits though have been long lasting. gramswisewords.blogspot.com
DeleteThank you so much for posting this! Good thoughts and I could not agree with you more.
ReplyDeleteGreat honest post. I would say that I don't think there is a typical homeschool mom type or "breed" because technically homeschooling is what all people did before the system was set up. I would agree, though, that one has to be convicted of their principles as to why they home educate in order to persevere through the challenges. And, as you said, all school types have their challenges. Prayers you can find the option that best meets your kids needs and gives you less anxiety.
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely right about the " breed" thing, I am finding more and more that it is just something i have to let myself be conformed to as I go- one day at a time!
DeleteI used to be one of those obnoxious "homeschooling is the only right way to educate your children" people. And I have really loved certain aspects of homeschooling (sleeping in, my God, the sleeping in).
ReplyDeleteBut after the birth of #5 in August 2012, I just couldn't deal with teaching my oldest anymore. We put her in our local parish school two months into the school year.
What I've learned is that you really have to take it year by year, and that whether you homeschool or send your kids to "real school" or something in-between it's all about picking your poison. They each have good points and bad points.
And you don't know how things might change in the future. Now that I am divorced, I only have a few years to reenter the workforce before my alimony runs out. I have two more kids entering the parish school next year, and I'll be homeschooling my #4 for kindergarten. But there's a good chance that my #5 will never be homeschooled at all (which makes me kind of sad).
You are so right- one year at a time, for sure! I am actually feeling excited about next year, but we'll see how I feel come October ;)
DeleteI keep thinking I want to homeschool, but my husband isn't having it. You make so many great points about why sending them to school is going to suck... things I hadn't even thought of yet. :-/
ReplyDeleteLoved your honesty! Most days, I feel the same way! We have 8 kiddos ( age 15 to 6 months ) and I've been homeschooling them from Day 1. With a move out-of-state, and access to public schools with a 10 rating (!!!), we've decided to send our older 6 to school. We had them tested, and wouldn't you know, despite all those days where I felt like no one listened, or learned anything, or couldn't possibly be any further behind in math, these kids of mine tested higher than average in 75% of the subjects. It just goes to show how positive of an impact you're having on your children when you firmly believe that they'd be better off educationally anywhere but home! I loved homeschooling and am thankful for it beyond all measure. Stick with it on those days when you feel like you're going to go crazy. No matter what their education situation looks like next year or the year after, you'll be glad you did! :)
ReplyDeleteRobin- that is amazing and gives me so much hope!! I love hearing the different sides of the spectrum, and 8 kiddos- you are my hero!!
DeleteI'm of the generation of homeschoolers ahead of you. Not the pioneering homeschool moms who had to hide inside during the day, but the generation after that who benefited from their bravery and sacrifice but still had to let homeschooling become a lifestyle choice and part of our DNA in order to take that step and stick with it.
ReplyDeleteIt seems now that your generation is seeing homeschooling as one of the many choices available in educating the children. Homeschooling is just there - like Catholic school and public school. I'm not criticizing - just making an observation.
I will say though that if you can get your oldest child to read well that's half the battle. Then slowly but surely that student will become more independent in learning. You will guide the curriculum, but she will own it.
Also, one of the best times I had homeschooling my kids was doing history and science in a group - either grouped with siblings at home, or going into a co-op setting with other homeschooled families. I think those are the times they will look back with fondly when they are adults. Those group classes for history and science and even literature made homeschooling so much easier for me as the teaching mom too! Thanks for sharing your story!
I'm on vacation so I can't write a book but great post. My kids are rising 9th, 7th, 5th, 3rd and k. I've been homeschooling but next year they will go to our local Catholic school. I really enjoyed the lower grade school years, but as they hit middle school and high school I dont feel comfortable with the lack of time I am able to personally be invested in their education. It would be different if I were maybe felt personally fulfilled by playing the role of teacher....writing lesson plans long into the night dreaming of curriculum options ....or if my kids were relentless learners...self motivated ....reading all those classics or pursuing interests in a fashion that seemed to make them tiny experts on any number of subjects...but this is not my family. For some of my kids I see them benefit and enjoy having a devoted teacher...that is not also mom...I attempted homeschool coops but that didn't pan out for me either...so we did some paperwork filed for financial aid for tuition and to our amazement the numbers came back doable.... So dont count out private schools....it seems as if they are like buying a car...there's a sticker price and then...a secret price?
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I think homeschool is a calling, not a black and white right or wrong across the board thing. I have always thought that I wasn't a great homeschooler: I am not an academic and I am not a type A must be in charge person. But I did practice attachment parenting and we love being together. We tried kindergarten and eighth grade for our oldest, and found found those to be the most difficult years of parenting. We found the school to be set up for smaller families...$$ and tons of unnecessary activities. I sensed the school was there to divide the family in different directions and didn't prove to be any different than the public school. Truth, and I don't mean a little catechism lesson, was not the mission of our school. I live in a smaller city, there is only Catholic and public school. So we may have done something different somewhere else. Our oldest wanted to go to high school for the sports, and I said, "if God wants us to homeschool, He will provide that". And He really did! The kids joined a cross country team, basketball team and track team that same year. So, the moral of the story is trust your instincts, but make God the center of every decision. He will help you with anything you choose!
ReplyDeleteOhhhhh...I needed this post today. Major school discerning stuff around here, and it's good to know I'm not alone!
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