I always thought that I longed for these days. I can eat and drink what I want when I want. I am not sleeping next to a baby, am mostly sleeping through the night; no baby is kicking on my ribs or bladder. However, in the past few weeks my littlest just decided that she was done with me and wants nothing to do with nursing anymore and it turns out I am much more of a basket case about it than I thought I would be.
Perhaps it is because I am selfish and needy and only have babies to feel like I have someone that needs me, or perhaps it is because it is inherent in my nature (And there are no chemicals hindering my body's natural processes), I chose the ladder to blame for feeling abandoned my my "baby" Bernadette and the creeping, somewhat strong desire to have my body rented out again.
This is especially good as I felt like I would just keel over and die for a while there if I got pregnant again. This does not mean that I am with child, in fact I am pretty sure I am not... nor does it mean that I will be soon, there are other considerations here and I am not just a a crazy baby making machine (or am I?). No matter how fertile I think I am there is no guarantee that we would be able to have another right away anyways.
I don't actually like being pregnant, I have met very few women who do, but I love nursing. To have a new baby who is a beautiful conglomeration of you and your husband and then to be able to sustain them physically all while burning so many extra calories is nothing but a wonderful gift from the Lord.
I noticed right away, as soon as little B kicked me to the curb, that I gained a few pounds. I guess this means I can no longer have my 4 nightly nursing reeses cups ;( ... single tear.
