1) Who has 2 thumbs and saw Jim Gaffigan for free last night?
And this one.
It was so hilarious, but since it started at laaaaate hour of 10 (that P.M., people), which is incidentally my geriatric bedtime, and since our amazing babysitter came over to sit even though she had a flight leaving at 7:30 A.M this morning, we could not stay nearly as long as we wanted. He was hilar. Here is proof even though you really cannot tell who I am illicitly photographing.
3) It was a bee. A freaking bee. I thought only kids got stung by bees. And the worst part about it? That I couldn't complain about it in my quick takes because I already posted them. Kidding.
No, the worst part was that the kids acted like they were deaf and blind and like they couldn't hear or see that my head felt like it was on fire and just continued to demand stuff from me even as they usually do. It hammered home to me that the hardest part most days about mothering little kids is the lack of an empathy at all.
4) Here's what it's like raising kids who are incapable to feeling empathy yet (these are made up and not actual interactions. But they are pretty damn close.)
"Oh, you desperately need to pee, mom? First could you just make me a plate of waffles real quick? On the waffle iron please, I really don't prefer reheated waffles"
"Aw, mom, your head feels like it is on fire? Well I just noticed that there isn't any juice made so if you could just put the ice pack down and defrost the frozen can of OJ and whip it up real quick, then cut me an apple and butter a piece of bread that would be great"
"You're in your first trimester and feeling like you're going to blow chunks each and every time you step in the kitchen? Well I have only had 3 morning snacks so far today so if you could just run in the kitchen and put a pot of soup on and bake a loaf of tasty bread to go with it, I would love that." (these are NOT pertaining to the present, i.e. as far as I know I am NOT pregnant)
5) I know this is not actually the case with all kids, but my oldest is especially inclined to not pay any attention to my plights. Bernadette felt really bad for me when the bee had its way with my head, at least for a few minutes, but then she got over it and needed fruit snacks.
6) Then there is the baby that is almost a toddler and waking up 2 times a night. I have completely given in and am pretty much sure that I have missed the CIO boat altogether since now when I try to have her cry it out she stands in the crib screaming "MAMA". I mean, will she at some point just stop and lay herself back down and sleep? I really think she could last most of the night and have resigned myself to nursing her through the night until she is 12.
7) We are about to embark on our last trip of the summer this morning, or as Naomi calls it "our long journey" and as I do any time I am going to be away from Mike I start acting like I am never going to see him again. I have purchased enough burritos to feed 7 Mexican families, made 2 large meals and frozen them, stocked the cupboard with more English muffins than anyone could ever eat in a week, and gotten the house cleaner than it ever is so that in the case of my untimely demise people will look upon the house that I ran and not wonder if I was in fact disabled and incapable of running a vacuum every once and while.