Tuesday, October 8, 2013

it's not you, it's me

It is a very plain fact that there are days- not everyday, not even every other day- but enough days, when I really feel bad for my girls for having to be around me. For instance, days like today: I've felt this intense desire all day to complain to someone about how hard life is and how hard this day is and run through the list of my many plights when I realized that I don't actually have anything to say about anyone but myself. Now before you think I am being too self deprecating and jump down to the combox to tell me what a great job I am doing raising these kids and other sweet encouraging comments which I always love and read multiple times over, please know that this is not intended to evoke those sorts of responses, but is only intended to give the credit where the credit is due today. Credit to me for being an overly tired, extra-emotional, somewhat selfish lady of a mom and credit to my dear children for being damn near perfect. Today.

There are a wide array of things I could blame for my own lowly state this Tuesday: my new found insomniac state, hormones which I will always blame for everything, but mostly I think the blame must be placed squarely on the fact that I am a person, a selfish person who likes her space, her sleep, her coffee sipped in peace and quiet, more sleep, and an occasional day alternating between reading Jane Austen on a park bench and shopping in Forever 21 to my heart's content. And my girls are stuck with me.

As I plopped them in front of a movie this morning to get a few extra zzzs, I fully expected at least one large thud necessitating me rolling out of bed to check on them, or a few "MAMAS!" for more apples, or milk or something, but there was nothing. They sat quietly for all of Finding Nemo and it was not until the only other person I can blame for sleep loss (hint: LUCY) roused me from my precious extra slumber that I was forced off of my sweet, sweet pillow top.

Then, like we were in an episode of the Twilight zone where they were replaced with little perfect clones of themselves they let me dress them in the clothing I picked out without even a little fighting me (unheard of, absurd!). THEN, while I got myself ready to take all three to the store, they just played by themselves and kept Lucy happy in the playroom- no fighting, no running into the bathroom to tell me Lucy is stealing their toys, just peaceful, content playing (like it is something they do all the time). And as if that wasn't enough icing on the icing heavy cake, I took them to the store, for a lot of groceries, with the foggiest brain in all of South Bend, and they were amazing. Sure the donuts I rewarded them with did help, but they even let me peruse the clothing aisles to check out my favorite Falls Creek merchandise and check for jewelery sales. There was only one lone meltdown while leaving the store and even though it lasted the duration of the drive home, I will not even share who it was because, you know what? It just doesn't matter. Today.

And even though neither girl would nap, and each made too many weird noises from their individual places of rest to afford me any midday shut eye, there were only 2 exoduses from the premises of the room on Naomi's part: one) to show me her button masterpiece:

(thank you, Alexandra!)

And two) to tell me that she loved me. Both of which softened my otherwise stony heart and stifled my inclinations to do as I usually do and bark something along the lines of "mommy needs to sleep and you are NOT allowed out of your room during rest!" So not worth it.

Because now what do you think they are doing why I type this? Sitting in their room playing happily and coloring copious pictures to bring to me with huge smiles and hugs and "I love yous!" that I do not and will never deserve.

And now for more screen time and perhaps an ebay purchase or 2, because I am still tired and selfish, but let it be known: my kids are awesome.


  1. I think they can sense when you are on the edge of your own meltdown (I was guessing it was you in the car..! :) ) I feel this way when I yell at mine for something that probably doesn't deserve that insane response level. As I'm mid-yell, I'm wondering "what does my face look like at this moment?" And yet I continue to yell. And then they hug me. And then I feel bad,

  2. Glad they are taking good care of you; and you got the chance to celebrate one of those days where things actually go well. Hope it lasts all day!!

  3. I feel so guilty when I know the negative mood is all mine, and I can tell they are doing their best to make me feel better (drawing pictures, saying "I love you," etc.) So sorry you had a terribly grumpy day...I hope it's followed by a string of less-difficult ones. (And remember- even on your worst days, you must be doing something right to have such nice kids.) Hugs.

    Abbey @ Surviving Our Blessings

    1. Thanks so much for your sweet comment!

      It was a MUCH better day today- it is so stupid how much losing sleep effects me, ugh! I just hope that the more kids I have the less sleep I will need, I think that's how it works. And speaking of sleep...

  4. Oh, man, I feel you. I hate those moments when I bark something at Jake and realize he's actually being quite swell, and I'm the brat. It's very humbling though, and good for that reason I suppose...but ugh...