Wednesday, June 1, 2016

the last days

How's that for a melodramatic title? I've never been one to disappoint in the melodrama arena, this post is sure to follow suit.

These are the last days of my pregnancy with baby number five, and they happen to be coinciding closely with the last days of life here in Indiana. We've made it through 2 grad school programs, purchased and sold a home here, birthed (almost) 5 babies here, lived almost 8 years of our married life (all of our married life actually) here and now as we wrap up a pregnancy and welcome our 5th child, we say goodbye to the place that has been our home. Such a good home.

Just like the end of pregnancy, the last days living in this place are paradoxically extremely stressful and frustrating, and beautifully, wonderfully sweet.

Some days all I can focus on is all the little messes that the kids are making in this home which is no longer only ours anymore, and which we are attempting to keep semi-undestroyed before the new owner moves in. Then other days all I care about is soaking up every single moment here, and all I can do is smile while I watch them throw their Popsicle sticks all over the yard. Because it's still ours, and what a good yard it's been to us.

Some days pregnancy pulls me down to the pits of despair and all I can focus on is how enormously huge I feel and how insanely stressed I am at the thought that it could happen that no one would be available to watch our kids when labors strikes (how do you moms with no family in town handle this??).

Other days I whisper to tiny baby to just stay put for as long as he likes while I marinate in this being how things are: Joe still the baby, 3 wonderfully sweet little girls to be his little mamas, me nice and round and happily gestating. It doesn't need to change, it will all fly way too fast once baby is out and I'm in no rush.


In a lot of ways our last days here in South Bend are exactly like the last days of a pregnancy: full of excitement at the thought of a new place, of life changing in huge ways and being equal parts wonderful and stressful and different and fun but so hard.

The expectation of a new baby never gets old and I still feel the same apprehension and excitement that I felt when I was waiting to give birth to Naomi. How will nursing go? What will this baby look like? How will he change our lives? What will our new home be like? What will life be like in a new state with a new job and how will it simultaneously bless and stretch our family?

It's all hitting me all at once and for the most part it's just way too much to try to process mentally let alone bang out on the blog. But that's never stopped me from trying before, so there you have it.

If you need me I'll be coping on the couch with my bowl of peanut butter chocolate iced cream while I hide from the kids.




10 comments :

  1. Four kids with a baby on the way.....and a move in the process, not to mention a move away from all you outlined here. Are you moving strictly for space reasons? Otherwise, I can't imagine why you would.

    Good luck with everything!

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    1. No, we are moving because my husband got a good job in a new city.

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  2. What a sweet (albeit large) place to be. Gives me hope that future pregnancies (none pending that I know of) could be less crazed and impatient at the end and more reflective and filled with anticipation. I'm so excited for you guys and your new (and much closer to home, right?) adventure in VA! I'll be praying for a smooth transition and a peaceful, well-attended by all kinds of grandparents labor.

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  3. Hi Ana! We didn't have help when my second was born, so my husband hung out at the hospital outside the delivery room with our toddler during labor. The baby came really fast, and they came in before the cord was even cut. It worked out really well, but we only had one child, and a really easy delivery, so understand if you are thinking, "That is insane. This will never work." :) We'll (hopefully) end up doing that again with a third. It was really special having my daughter there immediately after the birth.

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  4. Go on care.com. i have found so much last-minute childcare on there!! Good luck!

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  5. Praying for you Anna! As a military wife and mom of 8, I can tell you from experience that everything will work out fine. You've got this. When family wasn't able to come to help out when the baby was born we either hired a babysitter, asked friends for childcare help or just brought the kids to the hospital with us. Enjoy that choco peanut butter icecream; I ate it daily during my 7th pregnancy!

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  6. Praying for you Anna! As a military wife and mom of 8, I can tell you from experience that everything will work out fine. You've got this. When family wasn't able to come to help out when the baby was born we either hired a babysitter, asked friends for childcare help or just brought the kids to the hospital with us. Enjoy that choco peanut butter icecream; I ate it daily during my 7th pregnancy!

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  7. Where in Va will you be? I'm a native and recently moved back when my husband deployed (I went into labor with our second child in the way home from the airport...fun times haha!). Anyways, there are some wonderfully supportive communities here that I'm sure would be happy to pitch in, me included!

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  8. Where in Va will you be? I'm a native and recently moved back when my husband deployed (I went into labor with our second child in the way home from the airport...fun times haha!). Anyways, there are some wonderfully supportive communities here that I'm sure would be happy to pitch in, me included!

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  9. Just so you know, once you move, you'll have no shortage of people to watch kids in VA ;) Most people here tend to be transplants and the community is very supportive. I pray you have a relaxing last days in your beautiful home with your beautiful family!

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