These are the last days of my pregnancy with baby number five, and they happen to be coinciding closely with the last days of life here in Indiana. We've made it through 2 grad school programs, purchased and sold a home here, birthed (almost) 5 babies here, lived almost 8 years of our married life (all of our married life actually) here and now as we wrap up a pregnancy and welcome our 5th child, we say goodbye to the place that has been our home. Such a good home.
Just like the end of pregnancy, the last days living in this place are paradoxically extremely stressful and frustrating, and beautifully, wonderfully sweet.
Some days all I can focus on is all the little messes that the kids are making in this home which is no longer only ours anymore, and which we are attempting to keep semi-undestroyed before the new owner moves in. Then other days all I care about is soaking up every single moment here, and all I can do is smile while I watch them throw their Popsicle sticks all over the yard. Because it's still ours, and what a good yard it's been to us.
Some days pregnancy pulls me down to the pits of despair and all I can focus on is how enormously huge I feel and how insanely stressed I am at the thought that it could happen that no one would be available to watch our kids when labors strikes (how do you moms with no family in town handle this??).
Other days I whisper to tiny baby to just stay put for as long as he likes while I marinate in this being how things are: Joe still the baby, 3 wonderfully sweet little girls to be his little mamas, me nice and round and happily gestating. It doesn't need to change, it will all fly way too fast once baby is out and I'm in no rush.
The expectation of a new baby never gets old and I still feel the same apprehension and excitement that I felt when I was waiting to give birth to Naomi. How will nursing go? What will this baby look like? How will he change our lives? What will our new home be like? What will life be like in a new state with a new job and how will it simultaneously bless and stretch our family?
It's all hitting me all at once and for the most part it's just way too much to try to process mentally let alone bang out on the blog. But that's never stopped me from trying before, so there you have it.
If you need me I'll be coping on the couch with my bowl of peanut butter chocolate iced cream while I hide from the kids.