I found myself saying a lot this week that "too much is being asked of me". Between constant nausea and fatigue and 2 girls in constant need of attention and for me to get them things (one with the croup all week and sleeping terribly) I have been feeling totally burnt out. We would be outside and trying to enjoy ourselves in the sunshine and all I would be thinking about is how tired and sick I felt, how all I really wanted was to be in my bed not pushing my girls on the swings. Naomi asked me something while I was swinging them and I just said to her "no, too much is being asked of me". I know I said it to Mike on at least one occasion as well. That is how I have felt all week, stretched thin and barely able to function, let alone make life sweet and pleasant for the people I am serving all day.
Fitting, isn't it that I've felt this way the entirety of Holy Week? I've shed quite a few tears because of my own sufferings this week and have not flinched at the sufferings of my Lord for me. I sat to pray this morning. I figured it's Good Friday, I should probably pray. I read this in my little prayer book "In Conversation with God": "He was not content to suffer a little; he wished to drink the chalice to the dregs without leaving a single drop behind, so that we might learn the greatness of his love and the baseness of sin, so that we may be generous in self-giving, in mortification and in service of others". He did not say "too much is being asked of me", he did not stop at the first fall, at the second, at the third. He has given me the only example of generous self-giving that I need.
Jesus did not stop half way through the way of the Cross and say, "no, too much is being asked of me". And as the Lord showers down abundant blessing on me: my husband, my children, my family, no real problems in life, so many blessings, do I ever push them away saying, "no, it's too much". Nope, I take them all, most of the time forgetting to even say "thank you". And when the sufferings come, when the sacrifices are asked of me, sure I take them because I have to- then I make sure to let everyone around me know how much I am giving and how hard it all is. I make sure to say to the Lord and to those around me that "too much is being asked of me". The gifts are not too much, but the sacrifices- too much. Clear evidence that I am not looking to the Cross enough, or following the example I have on every wall my house of being "generous in self-giving, in mortification and in service of others", of Jesus who never said "too much is being asked of me".