Monday, May 6, 2013

monday facts and figures

Its was a doozie of a night and the morning went ahead and followed suit. Therefore, I will give you some facts and figures, numbers and percentiles that should give you a really good idea of what our day is looking like thus far, since you asked. Wait you didn't ....  And here we go!
  • Number of accidents had circa 3 a.m. this morning- 1
  • Percentage of in-house mothers called upon to change soiled sheets and child- %100
  • Number of nightly baby feedings that sandwiched the accident- 2
  • Percentage of mothers in the household called upon to do the feedings- %100
  • Number of very constipated 6-month-olds waking angry by 7 a.m.- 1
  • Number of suppositories given before 7:30 to said backed-up-baby- 1
  • Percentage of mothers here called upon to administer said suppository- %100
  • Number of resulting successful diapers- can't remember
  • Number of bottoms I have wiped today- too many to count
Let's break it up with a picture, shall we?

  • Number of store trips that needed to be taken this morning- 2
  • Number of cute Meijer sandals, worn by the mother walking all 3 kids, that broke mid-store trip- 1
  • Number of minutes the broken-shoed mother hobbled about through the stores before a new pair of shoes was purchased and worn-  at least 45
  • Number of people who saw me act like a maniac with the 2-year-old refusing to hold her sister's hand in the parking lot and trying to dart out into oncoming, albeit slow, traffic- probably 4
  • Number of children in their respective beds for at least 2 hours while I sit on the couch with my cereal and coffee- 3
  • Number of children actually sleeping- 1
  • Number of bowls of chocolate cheerios inhaled by a very worn out mother- 1 and counting
As if it is some surprise that I am the only mother called upon to take care of my children.

For the most part, I don't mind tending to the many various needs of these little people, but sometimes- sometimes- I just look around and wonder if there is anybody else- anybody else- who could give the suppository to the baby, anybody?? Or anybody else who could just please take care of changing the soiled sheets in the flipping middle of the night?!?! There has to be somebody who would enjoy these tasks, right?!
Nope? Alright then.

Luckily my sweet BFF came over with her kids who get along great with mine and helped salvage the remnants of my sanity with some adult conversation- she even let me complain a little lot about the rough morning.

And, seriously whoever invented chocolate cheerioes was trying to sabotage any weight loss efforts all poor, tired SAHMs.

If you need me I will be sitting and drooling in front of the cereal cabinet.


  1. You had to administer a suppository before 8am? That means you deserve at least 10 bowls of chocolate cheerios. At least. Argh. Suppositories and constipated babies are no fun!

  2. I don't think Chocolate Cheerios are enough to salvage that morning. Seriously. Maybe a cupcake? Or some brownies? Or some wine? Or all of the above?

  3. Forget the Cheerios. You clearly need a donut. Hope your day gets much much much better!

  4. I think I started weeping for you about the time you mentioned broken shoes. No naps were had today. If you were closer, I'd come cry at your house.

  5. Cheerios are great for your cholesterol. You're rocking this healthy thing!

  6. ugh. the cheerios sound good though. hope your day gets better, and i'm so glad you have a bff close by to commiserate!

  7. Haha...I mean, I'm so sorry Ana! Really, I am. Motherhood is all rainbows and butterflies, poop and vomit. So happy you wrote all about it to give the rest of us a laugh!!! :)

  8. Glad your day got better, hope the evening/night follows suit.

    We have twice had an older child have a nightmare ~ simultaneously with a night feeding, Charlie usually opts to attend to the toddler versus the abruptly detached hungry baby.

  9. Oh the joys of Monday!! Thanks for sharing and allowing us to laugh at your distress because I really did!

  10. I hear you. Sometimes I find myself waiting for the real adult to come take charge of this insanity, since 3.5 children hasn't turned me into one.

  11. You had me at suppository. What a pooptacular day!

  12. Moms need something to drown their sorrows. And the though parts of motherhood make me wish Mary Poppins was real.

  13. Oh, my. That's no fun, at all. Maybe I should be embarrassed to admit this, but I haven't changed sheets in the middle of the night in a long time. My solution: put the offender in his sleeping bag, either on the floor, or I'll strip the sheets off the bed and put the sleeping bag on the bare mattress. But I never put clean sheets on the bed in the middle of the night.

  14. I feel you. We have to give suppositories to our babe almost every day since he is tube fed. Also, we are up multiple times a bed doing GTube feeds which is ummm BAD and messy and makes me cranky. I routinely find myself inhaling handfuls of chocolate chips before 8 am.
    My youngest also has complications from his tube feeds that result in vomiting multiple times after each feeding and I just let him sleep on a water proof cover because sheet changing is like torture in cribs!