Friday, June 14, 2013

I Need a Life Coach {7 QT}

This week has left me feeling like maybe I should invest in a Life Coach. You know, someone to keep me on track and an top of things. Someone the the caliber of say, a Carl Weathers?
I hated the new season.

So I am joining Jen for some quick takes to illustrate this fact:

1) On Wednesday I loaded all 3 girls up to head to our favorite campus  park. I was feeling exhausted and was going against all my instincts to just stay home with the girls. (That's where the life coach would come in). We arrived at the park, I got both older girls unstrapped and they were climbing into the stroller as I went to pick Lucy up. Then I noticed that my arm was soaked. Soaked and bright yellow. Bright yellow poo everywhere from the baby who hadn't pooed in days. Great! I'll just change her with the diaper and wipes and extra outfit that I surely have in the diaper bag (WRONG- how long have I been referring to myself as a "mother"?). Well, there was a diaper, but no wipes and no outfit and poo e v e r y w h e r e.

2) I managed to scrounge 3 old dried up wipes from the deep recesses of our dirty van and wet them with the girls' water, which brought the mess from being in the terrible range to just bad. But there was no outfit for a now only diaper clad Lucy and I still had her feces all over my arm with no more wipes to clean myself with and we were parked on a service road which was at least 1/4 mile walk to a rest room. So I threw the girls back in their seats, promised grand things to soften the blow of not going to the park and headed back home.

3) Of course I brought Lucy straight to the bathroom for a bath, without a thought about the other girls, bathed her and walked out to to find that Naomi and Bernadette had colored over every inch of their doll house.

4) After the events of that morning, plus way more poo during the rest of that day than I ever could have imagined (I'm not very imaginative) I was so ready to come through the next day on my idea of a happy hour play date with some friends.
Yes- the menu in written on a Winnie the Pooh dollar store chalk board. And Yes, the menu is hanging from a giant bottle of vodka.

I am not going to lie, it was the best play date ever and the ladies would definitely have stayed and talked and sipped cocktails in the shade for hours while our kids ran around the yard and "painted" the little play house with sidewalk chalk if Mike had not come and broken the party up, which brings me to another reason I could have used Carl Weathers...

5) My Life Coach probably would have told me not to plan on heading to 5:30 Mass straight from a cocktail hour, and then back home to have more company over. In fact, my life coach would probably not let me do happy hour plates too often.

6) I have pretty much given up on working out all together since every single time I try to do it with the Naomi and Bernadette, Bernadette falls on the ground sobbing. I keep thinking that she will want to do Jillian with me since she is always getting into crazy stretching poses and asking me if I like her stretch:

You would think that with a cut-off shirt like that she would be all-too happy to join Jillian's ranks. Or maybe just an 80s music video.

And then by the time nap time gets here I am ready to pass out on any flat surface I can find and I have yet to muster the motivation to get up earlier than the hellions to stare at Jillian. It's a pickle that I could really use a life coach to help me out of.

7) Also I am currently letting Naomi "babysit" Lucy in her room as Lucy has taken to barely napping at all anymore and when else am I supposed to write quick takes?! Hence 4-year-old babysitting training. One day I will grow up and learn how to be a mom, one day. In the mean time, if you're interested in coaching a rather dense woman through life, you know where to find me.


  1. Lollll I had a very similar thing happen to me. Once we were on a road trip but we were taking two cars for reasons that escape me. Husband had all the luggage (and somehow also my cellphone) and I just had the baby. The last leg of the journey was only an hour, and what could possibly happen in an hour? Lo and behold a blowout diaper and I had nothing except the emergency diaper that was stuffed between the seats. I had to go into a filthy rest station bathroom to clean him up with toilet paper and water from the sink. Outfit was ruined so I had to walk back out to the car with a half-naked, still green-tinged baby IN DECEMBER. I got a lot of looks, let me tell you. Not the, "Oh, what a competent mother!" kind.

  2. Profound sympathy for the blow-outs and non-napping.
    Profound jealousy; have to find me some friends interested in a happy hour playdate.

  3. It's been that kind of week over here too. Life coach. Great idea!

  4. The new season was a fail. It tested my love for the first three seasons, but we made it through. We just pretend season four doesn't exist.

  5. Lol. Parenting is always an adventure, isn't it? Once we went to a friends' house and took my son out of the bath only to find that our diaper bag was apparently diaper-less so we had to put the pee filled one back on him. On another note, blowouts are the worst! We've had some pretty ridiculous ones before.

    Jennifer @ Little Silly Goose

  6. Love this. And I can totally relate! Wish I could have joined you for that awesome playdate!!

  7. James had such a bad blowout at Wal Mart once that I had to take off all his clothes (jacket, onesie, pants, socks), bathe him in the bathroom sink (it was even in his hair), and then pull a sleeper off the rack to put him in. I guess it was actually a good place to have a blowout, come to think of it.

  8. Um, the idea for happy hour play date is awesome!