Monday, October 28, 2013

motherhood for the win!

If you just clicked over hoping for something encouraging and lighthearted because of the deceptively sarcastic positive post title, be prepared to be let down. Sorry I'm not really sorry. 

Yesterday on the way home from Mass Mike asked if I could maybe not give the girls glazed donuts while riding in their car seats anymore since there is glaze crusted on the side of the van next to both of their seats. I responded that he should not worry because that I hadn't done that in something like a month, which really just underscored how disgusting the entire situation really is.

Then I woke up this morning after a night of glorious uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep... strike that, reverse... a night of sleep sabotaged again by Lucy who does this horrible manipulative thing to me where she sleeps allllllll the way through the night one night, a whole 12 hours uninterrupted, and I think that the previous 3 nights of terrible sleep were just a fluke and there is no need to have her cry it out. Then she follows up the one wonderful night with three more horrible ones. I know what you're thinking: shouldn't I consider one one good night a fluke and just get down to business and make her sleep through the night? Why yes. Yes I should. (cough cough WHIPPED cough cough).

Anyways, I digress. I woke up after said night sleep to notice almost immediately a solid 1/4 inch of dust on the picture frames in our room, noted mentally that I have not dusted in months (that's monthS, plural) and after recalling the lack of wiping up 1 month old donut glaze, realized that I am utterly and completely failing in all things domestic and clean. Just failing in cleanliness all together.

A friend told me the other day about how you can drop off clothing you don't need to a local kids consignment store and get money or store credit for them, which is a nice alternative to giving them to goodwill since we're in a tight financial situation, and the girls' clothing drawers are bursting at the seams, largely filled with stuff that they refuse to wear because it's not pink or sparkly. Or it's long sleeved. Seriously, is there some sort of condition that afflicts toddlers that entails a phobia of pants or long sleeves? I have the suspicion that Bernadette is not the first toddler to refuse! to wear anything but a sundress, which renders all the fall clothing I just dug out and switched over unwearable.
     ^ leotards are acceptable to her as well

It's bad. Anyways, even knowing that I could get money from bringing some clothes to the consignment store does not give me adequate incentive to embark upon the task of organizing the ridiculous amount of clothing that has now found it's home in almost all the corners of our house. As long as I can hide it away, hear no evil see no evil or something.

Last week after my standard weekly store trip with all three kids I came home and barked at Mike that he is not allowed let me bring all three kids ever again and that I just need to do the shopping in the evening when they are asleep or on the weekend. I told him not to let me because I knew I would get to the beginning of this week, be all out of food, and overestimate my abilities and the extent of my patience once again and just take them anyways. Plus they used to be pretty good. They all fit into this extra long cart with a bench, and the penny horse was a great carrot for them at the end.

No longer is any of that the case, but I am still hanging on to the days of old and hoping for a change, oh the absurdity.

Cue this morning. No food, feeling like walking death but refusing to be defeated by the likes of the kids, and I loaded them up for another weekly grocery trip.

It was somewhere around the liquor aisle- no one needs to tell me how fitting it is- with only about 1/4 of the groceries in the cart and 2/3 of the children melting down like the plastic bag I left on top of the toaster, faster than I can even handle, when I decided to call it a loss for team Ana. I was officially that mother that everyone was looking at wondering why the heck she just doesn't leave and put the children out of their misery. So I did. But I was not about to just leave all the groceries I had actually gotten into my cart, especially because one of the items is a bottle of bourbon. So we got in line with 2 screaming children and I just let the penetrating stares sink in like a strong marinade in order to really drive home the fact that I should never EVER again take all three children to the grocery store. I think it worked.

On the plus side, I am pretty sure I am a candidate for mother of the year since Bernadette informed me in the car that she "knows ALL the words!" to the Dave Matthews song "Ants Marching", then proceeded to prove that she indeed does.

Now it is time to try to redeem myself by making some homemade saint costumes for Friday, because gold spray paint and glue are way more fun than dusting or cleaning up month old crusted on donut glaze.

Sometimes you lose and sometimes you lose.


19 comments :

  1. If James wasn't allergic to dust I would rarely do it. Isn't that what holiday gatherings are for? Making us dust?

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  2. I know it's not funny, but I laughed my way through this!! I SWEAR (pinky swear!) that it will get better as they get older. Really, truly!! The grocery store meltdown is the worst. I'm totally lame in the housekeeping department also - I'm fine keeping up with the kitchen and the laundry. But the dusting?? Oy vay. I have this lovely app on my ipod that I use called HomeRoutine that keeps me somewhat on track, at least once a month. It's the only way, and even then I don't get it done regularly. Sigh. I figure when all 5 kids are grown and out of the house, it can sparkle like the dawn....!

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  3. Ugh. grocery shopping. Today when we were leaving the store Kolbe realized that he dropped one of his little dinosaurs sometime during the trip, so we had to back track down every aisle...and the dinosaur was not found...no fun.
    Can't wait to see what saint costumes you come up with. Can I order some from you? :)

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    1. My mom was over helping me clean one day (sweet lady!) and accidently vacuumed up and spit out a mangled small camel- one of like 15 of these tiny animals he has. It brought on a huge breakdown, oh my. My mom promised to replace it and he brought it up every time he saw grandma before she found one. They take the smallest things so seriously!

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  4. I used to think I'd always make a point to keep our car clean, especially the carseats- no crumbs or food smudges. I mean, how hard could it be? And then I had kids.

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  5. Okay I know I have only gone grocery shopping with one, but I am like you! I always think, "Oh next time I am NOT going with him!" but then the time comes and to the store we go even though he refuses to get in the cart unless I bribe him (I have awesome parenting standards). I think I will probably keep punishing myself though because I don't want to give up my small (and now smaller) amount of time to myself to grocery shopping.

    I so sympathize with you on the waiting in line with everyone staring. That was us at Goodwill last week. Ryan screaming, me seething, and the line not moving. Blah!

    Hope the bourbon was good :)

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    1. Yeah what Katrina said: enjoy that bourbon.

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  6. Ana, I feel your pain. Just when I thought I could start venturing out on my own with the boys (2.5 yr old ID twins), not so fast. Last week, not only did I go against my better judgment to bring the boys to Target on my own, they are like mini Houdinis and on the way out, escaped from the cart and ran in opposite directions in the parking lot. I had to make the split-second decision to turn my back on one to go chase the other, grab him, then run back to the first and pray that he hadn't disappeared (or worse). My heart was in my throat and I'm still sort of reeling from it.

    The very next day on the way out of daycare, one of said twins yanked the fire alarm & the entire fire department plus a few police cars showed up.

    I think I will just table any thought of leaving the house alone with the kids until they are in middle school.

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  7. My husband has done the grocery shopping for years for this precise reason. And now ... are you sitting down?... we often go alone together while our teenagers babysit!

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  8. I'm sure people weren't seething. When I'm in the grocery store and babies are crying, I feel nothing but sympathy towards the mom. Hang in there!

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  9. Unless I'm saying something like "do you want some pumpkin ice cream" to Jordan her default for the last few weeks to EVERYTHING I say is "no mom." It doesn't matter if she actually likes the task at hand or not, she'll say no to it. It makes Target trips all kinds of fun.

    Yet I can't go by myself yet because unfortunately Weston despises Sean. It's sad for Sean. But it's much sadder for me.

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  10. Grocery shopping is getting more and more difficult, and I've only got a toddler. I don't think I ever get through the store with EVERYTHING that I was suppoesd to buy because I'm making a mad rush through the store to try and get as much as I can before a melt down occurs.

    Also, if you want to feel better. You should come see the dust in my house. Cleaning for me means that floor is vacuumed and stuff is picked up. Mopping, cleaning the shower and dusting have fallen off the bandwagon haha

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  11. Oh good. I thought I was the only one who ignored dust. Sorry about the grocery run, but I sure hope that bourbon helped make up for it.

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  12. Ana, this post is... so true. The donuts in the car, the refusal to wear climate appropriate clothing, sleep taunting, grocery store desperation.

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  13. How old is Lucy? We're going through this with my 22 month old daughter. . . and I'm nearly 30 weeks pregnant. I'm exhausted and need to bank up sleep before the newborn comes. At this point I'm sure my newborn will sleep better than my toddler. The good news is that said toddler will only go back to sleep for daddy. . . :D Yes, I AM smiling! hehehe.

    So to commiserate: I just went through newborn-5T clothing, boys and girls, this past week, only with the support of nesting hormones. They had all been stuffed in random boxes for the past year or so. I have a few bags ready to head to the consignment store, too! And yes, I'm kind of geeked about earning a few extra bucks to help pay for some boots or snowpants this winter. (Another idea to earn some money- check out your local MOPS groups. They usually have the best consignment sales twice a year and a worker at one of the sales said you don't have to be a member to sell with them. If you don't sell, I hope you can at least find one to shop at. Toddler clothes for $1-$4 a piece. Great deals.)

    And. . . my children were half naked all afternoon, too. My toddler doesn't keep clothes on, and my older, who always did, now told me he's "bored with wearing shirts." I was on the couch all afternoon after pulling a tendon somewhere around my huge bellythat morning and I was happy to oblige with anything that kept them happy/occupied until dad got home.

    Sounds like you're doing great. You really don't have to worry until the children try to eat the old crumbs left in their carseat. .. like I had to do with my kids today!!

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  14. Last thought- honestly, does anyone really dust?

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  15. Is it creepy that I love you? Because I love you. Please don't ever change the tone of your blog. It's so nice to feel not-alone.

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