I've had a shocking realization in the past few days that is not actually shocking at all and right in line with me. I love my kids, I love our home, I love Mike and I love this profession of raising little souls who I can hopefully, with God's grace, help get to heaven. But! But but but, here is the realization I have had, which hit me in the face the other day like the big revelation in of one of the O'Connor stories I've been reading, only with less death: I am not content doing this job, and I all too often without even realizing it, think of it as unimportant.
Somehow or another, writing a blog post feels more important than sitting on the couch reading Madeline for the 15th time. The urge wells up almost daily to go to Target with the kids because somehow it feels more important to be out at a store perusing merchandise I will never buy than to sit on the floor and stack wooden coasters with Lucy 30 times in a row. I've been cleaning a lot more than usual because it makes me feel like I am doing something. I'm not even necessarily doing it because it needs to be done- obviously it always does- but I feel less useless if I do a load of laundry than when I am breaking up fight number 57 over which girl gets the Fischer Price girl with the pink dress holding the ice cream cone.
I love writing and that's mostly why I blog, so I will keep at it because it is not unimportant- it is good to have a creative outlet and fun to stay connected to bloggy friends. I think getting out of the house with the girls and mingling with the rest society, whether in the aisles of Target or Walmart or a play place is great, I will never stop doing that. And clearly doing house work is an irremovable part of the SAHM job description, it needs to be done, it is good to keep things tidy and orderly.
All the extra curricular stuff that comes with this job of staying at home with my children is good in and of itself, but it will never come close to the invaluable act of just being with my girls. It may feel menial and trivial, but there is something to be said for being content with just sitting them. My physical presence, speaking to them as the person who knows them best in the world, helping Lucy get the coasters stacked just right, reading to them, and being the referee who loves the little team members the most is more important than anything else.
Why am I writing about this? Why am I posting it on the blog? Because it's nap time (glorious nap time!) And because that's what I do. If I don't remind myself of this every hour of the day- wait, no every minute, no every second- I will not remember how crucial the work I am doing is. I have been entrusted with the crazy task of raising little souls who I can hopefully, with God's grace, help get to heaven, and there are only a few precious years I get to do this. There is nothing to do but to be grateful for it and totally content doing it. So if you need me, I'll be here just trying to soak it up and be content.