A few weeks ago I discovered something that has saved me on many occasions since then: that the movie Mary Poppins is almost 2 and a half hours in duration. This would not have a been a good thing about 6 months ago since that is kind of a ridiculous length of time to plop young minds in front of a screen, but then I miscarried and then 4 weeks later I was pregnant again and then 2 weeks later I could barely get off the couch due to alllllll day sickness.
Ever since this current semester happened (I still measure my life in terms of semesters) I have dubbed way too many days "Mary Poppins Days", a day where I cannot imagine NOT sticking my girls on the couch for this length of time. I will try to spare you all the complainy details of why things are so hard right now, I know you've heard it enough if you've stuck out reading this blog since it's turned into one big pregnancy complaining fest, but suffice it to say that heaping a crazy itchy pregnancy rash (diagnosed recently as PUPPS) and bad cold given to me by 18 month old (who ever said these kids don't give me gifts?) on top of the constant nausea and crazy fatigue -yes, I am the most pathetic pregnant women ever- has made almost every day a "Mary Poppins Day". A day where I need 2 1/2 hours to do things like lay on the couch and blog, which is my only social outlet at all anymore, and maybe eat something without sharing.
The point here is that I am in survival mode, and while I am all too eager to be done "just surviving" every day, it's been helpful to realize that for this season in life, this is ok. I read this post recently which I found as a result of reading Hallie's chapter in this book and really being struck by her identification of different seasons in life and allowing yourself slack in certain seasons. I wrote this post recently about how too much is being asked of me and it all came together this morning that I am the one who is expecting too much of myself (it would have been helpful to put all this together a few weeks ago as I am nearing the "out of the woods" point in terms of nausea). I wake up every morning expecting myself to get out of bed, shower, get dressed for the day, and put makeup on and yet I am so nauseous and exhausted from being up all night scratching my rash that the thought of even getting out of bed kind of crushes me. Then, when all of those tasks are not accomplished, I am beating myself up and getting down on myself for not being the woman of Proverbs 31. What if my only expectation of myself was just get out of bed? Then when it happens, I have accomplished my goal. If I just expect that several days of the week right now are going to be "Mary Poppins days" then when I plop the girls on the couch with their juice and snack cups for the entire morning, the crushing guilt that generally follows for failing to be the mother I am expecting myself to be might be eased a bit since this was the expectation anyways. As soon as I let go of the the expectation of working out everyday while feel like crap, the better I felt at the end of everyday about not doing it. You get the point.
Now I will stop ranting and take advantage of the remainder of my 2 1/2 hours to do some more laying, eating, nothing too productive, etc...
And for your enjoyment