Thursday, July 26, 2012


I am not a frequent Walmart goer. In fact, almost every time I go anymore I end up saying over and over and over again in my head while I search in vain for another ill-placed item "I hate Walmart, I hate Walmart....". But no matter my feelings on the illogical, frustrating set up of their store, their notoriously bad service (I speak only of OUR LOCAL Walmart here), or the fact that everyone walks at the pace of a handicap turtle right in front of you acting like they have no idea at all that anyone else is in the store trying to get groceries and not just there for their afternoon walk.

Now that I got that off my chest... regardless of my feelings about it, we simply had to head over there last week in search of some decent priced curtains to hang in the future nursery/Bernadette's room.

We entered the store and pretty much immediately came in contact with a fairly life-sized batman statue-ish thing which was being used to display Mountain Dew. Bernadette began insisting that we go over to it, and I thought it seemed harmless, so we stood in front of it for a second before I said that we must keep moving so as to get in and out of this h-hole asap.

As soon as we walked away she started demanding to go back and "SEE MAN." To which I would reply, "As soon as we're done with shopping, we'll see him one more time." To which she would reply, even louder and more urgently, "SEE MAN, SEE MAN!!" I kept responding calmly for the first 30 seconds at least, but then it started to get a little annoying. We were retrieving our 2nd or 3rd item when she shouted for the 100th time, "SEE MAN, SEE MAN!!!" and I had had it. "No Bernadette, we are not here to see a Batman statue, we are here to get groceries. We are not going back to see that man!" And, that was it.

I can usually manage meltdowns in the grocery store with my purse stash of juice/crackers/fruit snacks/pacifiers/blankies/etc., but all my efforts were in vain- this just broke her. No more promise of "SEEING THE MAN," how could she bear it? I hurried as quickly as I could through the store, purchased my items, somehow calmed her with some check-out line twizzlers--but no reunion with her beloved "MAN"--and we left. Thank God, we were done. We were slated to head to the Mall play place that day, but the trip was canceled on account of my voracious hunger and Bernadette's overly volatile emotions.

As it turns out,  the curtains stunk and we had to go back to Walmart AGAIN yesterday, and what a sweet, sweet reunion it was. Without saying a word to Bernadette about it, we walked in the store and she started immediately, "SEE MAN, SEE MAN!" I assured her that as soon as we got what we needed, we would go and see him, and, her emotions being much more in check (probably as a result of some separation from the high emotions that this relationship clearly evokes), she was ok with this deal. We retrieved some curtains (which thankfully work, so that I will be going nowhere near that store again for as long as possible), and then we stopped to see. the. man.

Oh, the JOY!!!!!!!

And the only thing that pried her away was the enormous box of fruit snacks purchased to be eaten in the car. They will probably never see each other again, but it was a match made in heaven, or at least Walmart. Same thing, right?


  1. It's not just your Walmart. I hate going there, too. In our town we have a true grocery store that I love or Walmart. It seems like every time I am in WM my kids have some sort of meltdown... do they pump something through the ventilation system to have this happen?

    And Bernadette is entirely too cute! She looks absolutely thrilled to "SEE MAN" again.

  2. Uh - so I just have to throw out there that my super eligible, future altar server is also a statuesqe batman. Tell Bernadette to meet him at Franciscan in 14 years ;) (Picture on my last post!)

  3. Oh I hate walmart...hate it with a passion. Still go at least once a month, but I aaaaalways regret it. Also, why is everyone who shops there on some combo of oxygen/morbidly obese/riding a scooter? I am being super judgmental here, but I'm starting to believe that a lifetime of walmart patronage will actually result in these conditions...

  4. I would act like that for Christian Bale too :)

  5. HA. love this but I also hate Wal-Mart -- and I especially hate how much cheaper their food is -- lose-lose situation.

    I was just patting myself on the back for the fact that Julia doesn't have public tantrums (while she was throwing her 57th one of yesterday) and Simon scoffed and said, "that is because you NEVER take her out in public."

    so very very very true.

  6. Hahahaha! See man! Batman? So hilarious.
    I agree with your wm diagnosis on all accounts. Ever since Ellee was born if I need something from the wm, I send Dev on a mission.

  7. I can sympathize with her -- my first love was Spiderman, as seen on hte cartoon TV show. I was going to marry him. When I was 6 my brother broke my heart when he told me I couldn't marry a cartoon. I ran upstairs, threw myself on my bed and sobbed...

    1. OK that was me Beth again.

    2. Hahaha, that is awesome, Beth. I am starting to figure out when it is you from the context clues- although this one might have been hard to figure out. Usually when you talk about "Rob and Jack" I can figure it out :)


    got cocky. took julia to the store and weathered three storms.

    God is laughing up a storm.

  9. SO glad you recorded this. Bernadette's future husband, maybe not so much. Have you seen how jacked that Batman is?

    PS: Your experience of Wal-mart is why everyone should shop at Target. Just a friendly reminder from the girl whose health insurance is paid for by Tar-jee Boutique.

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  11. Thank you for the chuckles! I've been almost computerless for a while, and missed your humor! I've read everything I missed, ending with this hysterical finale. Look at the joy on their faces at something so simple! Good mama.