Monday, June 3, 2013

Time Flies


Mike made fun of me a little when I first started this blog because of the title. He thought that it was funny to call it "Time Flies When You're having Babies" and not "Time Slows Down When You're Having Babies", mostly because of the number of days since becoming a mom that feel like the day takes years to get to the end. There have been all too many days when I have looked at the clock thinking that it has got to be at least lunch time and it is only 9:30. Then I start drinking. Kidding?

Although life has certainly gotten crazier since adding a third kid, there are still all too many days that drag like the dickens. Days where nap time cannot come fast enough and I am counting the minutes to an  acceptable time to get them in their beds at night- 6 p.m. isn't too early, is it? During a recent venting session with Mike I said "I love being a mother. I HATE how hard it is".

I am constantly wanting so many moments of the day will pass quickly, especially the hard ones. I am posting this on a day where I basically threw the kids into their beds for naps, they were driving me so crazy. And I am so tired from a night of crappy sleep from babies and toddlers waking me up like someone is paying them to do so.Changing a diaper sometimes feels like I am carrying a 100lb boulder up a mountain and I just want to be done with the hard work so I can rest, have time to myself, workout, check my email, drink my coffee, whatever.
having a blast. all of us.

As I drove home with Lucy from Ohio after my short trip away from the 2 older girls I could not help thinking about them, getting so excited to see them. I was sad to have missed moments with them over those couple of days. I was simultaneously relishing the last moments in the car with just me and Lucy. And something happened that never happens at home during the normal day to day. I actually enjoyed the hard moments too.

Lucy really hates being in her car seat. Most of the drive there and back she cried, or more precisely, she screamed bloody murder. It was rough because I hate hearing her cry- especially when she is 1 foot from me- but also because my sister and her fiance drove me there, and my other sister drove me back, so I felt bad for them for having to hear a screaming baby, because it's even more annoying when it's not your own.

During that drive I knew that the special time I had with my little third born was about to end and I found myself trying to slow even the moments with the screaming baby down. She wasn't happy and I couldn't make her happy, so I stopped trying and just enjoyed being with her, even though she was angry and screaming.

The funny thing for me about "time flying" so fast since having kids is that it flies in retrospect. I've found myself celebrating Naomi's 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th, birthday and I thinking "how fast it flew, where did it go? How is she so old?" I feel in those moments, that I wish I had cherished the time more. There are many moments during my days where everything is going great, the girls are sharing and interacting well together, Lucy is playing happily on the floor or peacefully asleep and I try as hard as I can to freeze frame it- to live that moment fully, to really hold on to it and fully appreciate it all.


As I sat in the car with a screaming Lucy I was anxious, frustrated, at my wits end and enjoying it and my own words came to mind- that I hate how hard motherhood is. And I wondered whether, if I weren't such a comfort seeker and didn't run from suffering as soon as I saw it coming, whether maybe I could learn to love and hold tightly to even the rough, strenuous, taxing moments of motherhood. I wonder if I cherished those tough moments as much as I do the good ones- and thanked God for the opportunity to suffer in small ways for love of him and these little ones as much as I thank him for what a blessing they are when they are being good- whether perhaps I would not feel like time is flying too fast.

Probably not, but it's just a thought.

16 comments :

  1. An excellent thought at that! I only have one and I am feeling that way - I am scared to think of this magnified by 3! :)Good job momma!

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  2. Saying the thing IS the thing. Does that make sense? Just saying it means *you're already there*. It is crazy hard when they're all little and you have no bigs to help. Crazy. You are not imagining that. But there, to say "this is what it is and I can claim it or fight it" is an amazing moment. Love this reflection!

    (I'm thinking this stream of consciousness comment made NO sense at all....)

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  3. I totally needed this reminder today as I'm sitting her holding my sleeping baby, who at 8 months old, STILL will not nap anywhere but in my arms.. still.

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  4. I love the line "I love being a mother. I HATE how hard it is"! Even with just one little one I find myself feeling that way a fair bit, especially with mornings like this one where nothing seems to be able to stop him from screaming. But it is worth it and I do love being a mom :)

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  5. Oh, I hear you. I got sick (still sick) over the weekend and I could not get five seconds to just lay there and be sick. I constantly had a little one knocking on the door, or I was on edge because I could hear my husband having to deal with the craziness downstairs.

    I shall be exhausted with you in solidarity ...if this cold doesn't kill me first.

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  6. Those days are so long!! And then before you know it a day will fly by and you can't remember what you did all day! (Unless you homeschool and then it continues to drag.. just kidding.. I have one in school and one homeschooler... but I will say that since having one in school the day just flies... When everyone was home sometimes they just dragged, especially in winter!)

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  7. Oh so perfectly written. These last few weeks have felt brutal since I can't move around very easily and the heat makes me irritable...I LOVE motherhood, but HATE how hard it is;) Its our human nature to seek easy and comfortable which is why I totally get it that people are done after two kids, but I know I would miss the crazy and the noise when it is not around because these little souls are my purpose in this world. That is one thing that always keeps me going. So lucky to have a mission to just love these little children of mine:)

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  8. I feel the same way about my oldest getting older. Where has the time gone? How has it been a week and five years and twenty years at the same time? And how many days have I been desperate to send them to bed or go outside or just SOMETHING to give. me. a. second.? Or 1000.

    How is to so hard? And why do I run so hard from the hard?

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  9. I loved this because I shared one of those moments, today. I looked at the clock in the kitchen, and it said 12:30, so I fed my three boys lunch. I crashed on the couch while they watched Veggie Tales. I woke up... probably about half an hour later, and looked at the clock. It was only noon! I was so astonished I even checked two more clocks.

    I'm not sure how it happened, but the day sure is dragging! :)

    A woman that lives down the road from me shared that, when she was younger and had many little children, people would look at her and say, "Oh, you must be SO happy!" She said she wanted to say, "I am happy, but this is HARD, TOO! It is REALLY HARD!"

    The moral of her story was basically, "It's the hard that makes it good." And time WILL pass, and in some ways our lives will get harder (I'm not excited to have three teenage boys at the same time), and in other ways it may ease up a little bit. But in the end, it will all be worth it. :)

    At least, that's what I try to remind myself when I am ready for the day to be OVER, already!

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  10. I love the "love/ hate" line too. Also, I find (looking back) I get irritable so easily when all I'm thinking about is how long until I can have "me time". Selfishness and comfort are so easy to seek, but then I hate how I feel at the end of the day. Motherhood is definitely a path to heaven!
    Also, when I first glanced at the picts. I thought they were all of Lucy- she and Naomi look so similar!

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  11. So true! I hope I'm getting better at enjoying the moment and not running away from the suffering with the more kids I have and the longer I'm a mom, but I'm not good at this holiness stuff. And thats what motherhood is isn't it?

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  12. I posted something similar today. It is so very hard sometimes, I think my head will explode. Then, other times, it is so very sweet, I think my heart will burst.

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  13. If raising kids wasn't hard we wouldn't learn anything. Every important thing I learned about God I learned from having small children - from how they reacted to things (immaturely - like me much?) to how much they relied on me for everything to how God gave me the grace to comfort them in the midst of their fears/anger/tiredness or whatever was the cause of their meltdowns. If you can keep asking God to show you the learning opportunities in the midst of the hard parts you'll see how they end up being the real treasures in terms of producing the patience, perseverance, discernment, wisdom, etc. that we all keep asking God to form in us.

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  14. New follower here. :) I've been hopping around your blog and I love it! I feel the same way about motherhood. Love it but hate how hard it is!

    http://refrigeratormemories.blogspot.com/

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