Friday, May 17, 2013

Seven Sleepless Takes

I would have probably gone along with my better instincts today and not written 7 quick takes doing nothing but complaining. Especially because I know that every single mom out there is probably just as tired as I am and I hate when people complain about how tired they are, I usually save that sort of complaining for Mike's ears only.

But then I read Jen's QTs and felt like she gave me a free pass to complain as much as I want. A free pass from the woman who had more to complain about in the past 6 months than I have had in my whole life? I'll take it. Also, I felt the need to show off my mad complaining skills in the case that the Mom Blogger Complaining Olympics does in fact take place.

Also my coffee has worn off.

Consider this my audition.

1) I know I said a while ago that I should never complain about Lucy not sleeping because she was sleeping so well for so long.

But that doesn't make any sense. If anything I should complain more now that she is not. Don't you agree?? Good, then I will.

2) Honestly, I don't really care that much that she is getting up every 2 to 3 hours again, because she is the baby and I am feeling sad that she is getting so big and so those middle of the night moments are kind of sweet. Kind of. But what puts me over the edge is when the 2 older children are the culprits: both of whom we've extensively sleep trained, and both of whom are not babies, and the things they are getting up for are assinine.

3) For instance, when Bernadette was standing next to my bed last night all up in my face, proclaiming that "she had lost her pacifier and blankie! And she needs someone to help her find them!" The pacifier was right next to her bed, and the blanket was in her bed. 

Then 30 minutes later the same almost 3 year-old was screaming bloody murder from her bed that she "NEEDED A TISSUE!!!!" She does not have a cold, she did not need a tissue. I mean, the baby genuinely does have a bad cold complete with a hacking cough and tons of green snot. Plus she can't poop by herself-- I'd say those are decent excuses for keeping me up all night, even though it is still the worst.

4) Then there is the fact that I am expected to be sweet and compassionate and patient with the very same kids that are keeping up all night. Does this seem really backwards to anyone else?? Like, it's already nearly impossible for me to not flip my lid when Naomi starts with one of her body flailing, ear bleeding inducing screamy tantrums over something like not letting her put the book on tape in the tape player, and then I look at her and think "Really? You're the one throwing the tantrum? Oh right! I forgot you only got 6 hours of sleep broken up into 2 to 3 hour chunks from 3 different children waking you up all night.... OH WAIT, THAT WAS ME!"

5) And I will not touch the fact that Mike is currently on a steady dosage of Valium for some sort of slipped disk in his back rendering him pretty much unable to do much child care at all right now. I won't touch it.

6) And while you would think being extremely sleep deprived would make me extra happy and loving and patient and able to handle the constant demands of motherhood... I just can't even finish that sentence because it is a joke. A total joke.

7) I was thinking of embedding the good old Samuel L Jackson book reading in honor of the no-sleep subject, but I will keep this closer to a PG-13 post and just give you this:

Equal parts funny/disturbing, or maybe 30% funny 70% disturbing, my appropriateness radar is down right now due to intense fatigue. Just stop it after minute and try to have a sense of humor and hopefully it won't scar you. 

Head over to Jen's and you'll see why I felt like it was ok to complain so much today.


  1. That was really funny and really disturbing. Thanks.

  2. Oh. My. Gosh. That was hilarious!!!!

  3. Ok I don't have three kids keeping me up, but my once-awesome-sleeper of an 8 month old has not been sleeping well for a good 2 months now. I'm on my second night of 7-8-hour stretches though so I'm hoping/praying/dreaming that we're back on that path. I give you every right to complain because it is not far better to have slept and lost sleep than to have never slept at all. Right?

  4. My oldest is the best at the bedside stare down at 3 am. It can be really creepy to wake up with someone two inches from your face..

  5. "the things they are getting up for are assinine"

    My son woke me out of a rare dead sleep to scream and cry that he couldn't find all the parts to his Mr. Potato Head.

    It was 2am.

    I feel like once you get to three kids, they start to take shifts, and the one who slept through the night before is now the one tapping on your face like a Child of the Corn, trying to both deprive you of sleep and scare the crap out of you.


    Exhausted in Kansas

  6. My oldest used to do the same in-your-face thing when she was little. Would completely bypass her father on the close side of the bed to come ALLLL the way around to me. An sleep deprivation is THE WORST part of mothering in my opinion. Hands down. Because then you can't respond well to anything else. My youngest is 8 and I think I'm still catching up. Hang in there. And you win. Hands down.

  7. No sleep here either. My just turned three year old, who is #2 of almost 4 children(which means, there is about to be 2 children younger then her, so there really is not room for her in our bed anymore)has been been having similar night issues. Since tantrums at 2:30am are so heinous to us, we've been coping by just giving up letting her sleep with us, ditching the previous plan of trying to wean her out of our bed before the new baby comes. But she has taken to bringing her six babies into our bed as well, along with her entire library of board books, which makes me wonder if maybe this is less an issue of needing a parent by her and more just that she likes to sleep with props, and I am one of them? If you are like me, perhaps you find a bit of comfort in knowing that it is at least within the scope of normal for a child of this age to do these things, even if it still means no sleep for you.

  8. As long as you haven't started slipping any of them your hubby's meds I think your appropriate meter is doing just fine. Wishing you some sleep soon!!

  9. Hilarious. With my 3 y.o. the wee hour demands were "I NEED MY JACKET" and my personal favorite, "I WANT TO RIDE ON THE DONKEY." In the same night.

  10. Can your husband go see a chiropractor? It would likely make a world of difference for him.
    Good Luck.
    I agree that sleep deprivation is the hardest part.

  11. Oh I hear ya with the insane requests in the middle of the night. Two of the most recent around here (from the 4 year old) were: WARM UP MY RICE SOCK! (at approximately 1am) and MY TEA IS COLD! WARM IT UP OR MAKE ME MORE (several times throughout the night, despite being told very firmly NO FREAKING WAY IT IS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT GO BACK TO SLEEP! each time)

  12. #5 made me think of this:

  13. BOY.CAN.I.RELATE!!! You had me in stitches so many times. Last week my five year old actually got out of bed, came into the living room fake-limping saying, "Mom, I'm afraid I'm never going to be able to walk again. My ankle is broken. But, a story and a drink might fix it." This was at 11:00 p.m. Hang in there!! :)

    1. Oh my goodness- that is the funniest thing ever!! I feel like I would have given him a prize just for the theatrical presentation! Glad I am not alone. Hope you get some good sleep this weekend!

  14. This complain-a-thon is making my entire weekend! Everyone else's life is ridiculous too!!! The lack of sleep feels SOOOOOO much worse when you've had that taste of realistic sleep...

    Thankfully God invented a wonderful medication called tequila. And while you can't mix it with valium, it might help you have more loving feelings towards your children every time they wake you up ;)

  15. Complaint Olympics? Hear, hear! Interrupted sleep + lack of sleep is completely awful- esp. when it's due to older kids! And my fav part of that video is the Doc's comment.

  16. That was terrible! And hilarious!! I can't wait to show my husband. Thank you!

    PS The doctor's comment was my favorite, too. :)