Sunday, April 22, 2012

Pregnant is the new drunk...

Ok, so I might not be slurring when I speak (at least not yet), but I'm pretty sure that my brain is confusing "baby" with "booze," because I. am. not. right.

The thoughts in my head, they just don't stay straight anymore, probably since my short-term memory now only extends about four seconds into the past. This makes intelligent, sophisticated conversations difficult. Who am I kidding- it renders *coherent* conversations completely impossible.

For example, yesterday, or maybe it was last week, I was talking to my friend at playgroup, or perhaps it was my husband, or the neighbor lady who looks like my husband, and we were talking about something about the thing that she was saying and I was like "Oh wow, that's so great!"

Yeah so I don't remember anything about anything.

See, I can follow what's being said, for a moment anyway, but I have no way of keeping track of how to formulate an appropriate response. And because I won't be able to remember what I say anyway, I've started to not even care.

Loss of inhibitions? Check

And I've already talked, um... ad nauseam, about feeling sick.

So, nausea and vomiting? check

Difficulty walking a straight line (or at least staying on my feet)? Check

How did this get here again?

Then there's my short-term memory, which I could swear cuts out like every four seconds so that I can't remember what I've just said or done. Thankfully, there's my trusty camera to capture my moments of greatest triumph. Like when the refrigerator into which I placed the mayonnaise turned into the pantry overnight, probably miraculously.

Oh, and all these preggo hormones have got me feeling alternatingly weepy and crazy sentimental for Mike and girls, so yeah, I maybe cry for no reason and tell everyone around me how much I love them and how great they are.

My brilliant conclusion: Pregnancy = drunk.

Wow, I should probably stop driving now before something like this happens. On the plus side, if I was to get pulled over, that would give SuperFunnyInsightfulMomBloggerHeroSimchaFisher and me something in common, right? Hmmm, on second thought, I do need to get some more mayo, so maybe a trip to the store's in order.

If I could only remember where I left my keys.


  1. ha ha - this is funny. and so true. my problem when i was pregnant was that i was SO clumsy. seriously, breaking something new every day! "they" say it has to do with the hormone relaxin in your muscles but maybe that's just an excuse? ;)

  2. Ummm, I wouldn't know what being drunk feels like to be able to compare ;)

  3. totally agree my friend. Just try to act sober. fake it till you make it. i hope you found your keys.